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What is wrong with sharing your thoughts with someone you trust?

What is wrong with sharing your thoughts with someone you trust?

My boyfriend was having a bad day and told me that he’s tired of his life and his family and he wouldn’t mind if he didn’t wake up in the morning.

Of course, this is upsetting and stressful to me because I love and care about him and I don’t want him hurting.

I was out of town for a rifle competition so I couldn’t just go talk to him so I told me coach about what had happened so she could help me contact the school to get him to a counsellor. And I thought, “Okay, good, he’ll get his help, I can calm down a bit” and I assumed that would be it.

I was shooting in competition that morning so I didn’t check my phone for a few hours. When I did, I had a few texts from him saying he was overly tired and irritated from his family’s arguing and children crying. I was more or less relieved from this but he has had some suicidal thoughts and attempts in the past so I take all of those kinds of statements very seriously.

I asked him if we could Skype later so I could really feel that he’s okay and he said sure and I felt all good. So, we had a little debriefing after competition and they went to our rooms to return our gear and get ready to head out for lunch. While we were in our rooms, my coach came by and that’s when my hell began.

Let me just preface all this by saying, I have depression and anxiety and very little self-worth; therefore, I often don’t care for myself and usually just try to make other people happy. And I’m okay with that… well, as okay as I ever am.

With that explained, my coach came by and told me she doesn’t like the way my boyfriend is treating me and she’s very protective of her girls and she knows what my boyfriend tells his counsellors and he tells them that he only says that he’s going to hurt himself to get my attention. Now, everyone on the team loves that coach and we all trust her.

She’d never hurt us and she’d never lie to us. She always does what’s best for us. So, I took this really seriously and completely lost it. I can’t just tell my coach, “Hey, I don’t care about myself and I don’t care if my boyfriend is manipulating me. I love him.” so I was broken. I basically spent the whole trip crying.

My coach came by a couple nights to talk to me and my roommate (whose boyfriend had been saying he wishes they could spend more time together) and tell us that we don’t need to be treated like that and we shouldn’t put up with it. And she said, “I can’t just tell you to break up with [your boyfriends]”. So here she is saying ‘if it was acceptable to tell you as a coach to break up with your boyfriend, I’d be telling you it’ and I’m still splashing around in my puddle of tears thinking “I can’t break up with this person.

They are my best friend. I can talk to them about anything. We trust each other. We work together. Time with him is therapy to me with all the mental problems I have. But I’m being told I’m just a puppet of his by someone I look up to and trust”. She ended by telling me “When you Skype him tonight, if he starts trying any of this shit again, just hang up”. So, fast forward through a day of crying to when I skype my boy. He tells me about his day and how he feels a lot better after talking to his counsellor. I shakily bring up what he’d said to me the night before and he starts apologizing over and over and beating himself up over it.

He started saying he’s a horrible person. And I broke. I just sat there with my hands over my face crying with no further words exchanged for maybe 5 minutes. My thoughts were racing. Who do I trust? I just want to hold and comfort the person I love most in the world but is he manipulating me? Am I completely oblivious that I’m just a puppet? And then I said, “I’m sorry I have to go” and I hung up. I rolled over and cried myself to sleep.

So, I had some serious trust issues for a week or so but I talked to my boy a lot and we resolved things. Now I’m left with this distrust and anger towards my coach (who now despises my boyfriend) which isn’t a good relationship to have with a mentor. My coach also used her little story on my parents who now don’t trust and dislike my boyfriend. My boyfriend mentioned to me just a week or so ago that he just hasn’t felt the same since I completely lost it over Skype. Thank you to my coach for leaving these deep scars on me and my life. I’m a forgive and forget type of person but I’m really having trouble with this one.

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