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Because you killed me inside

I mean sure, you might think I want your pity but, why wouldn’t I? All those sleepless nights feeling alone, scared, frightened, staying up all night and falling asleep in class… all because why? Because of you. Because of you, you killed me inside, feeling helpless lying there with tears running down my face’ while your hands swept my body.

The tears falling slowly, crying in silence. The feeling of your hands, I wanted you to go, to leave me alone. I couldn’t make my body move, or shout, or to tell someone, paralyzed in a way. I wanted you to stop but every night you came, when you didn’t I would consider myself “lucky” lucky in such a way. Waking up wasn’t very easy at first either, but I guess over time I got “use to it” why should a ten-year-old girl get used to it use to such a thing? Oh, how much I wish I could hate you but I can’t… some part of me tells me that you’re a good person and that maybe you were going through something.

But no one should use someone like that, all that pain, I say I’m over it but I’m not. I guess I get to call myself a victim now because of you. You might think “It wasn’t rape” but it hurt me just as bad. Four years ago, but I still can’t hate you.

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