Let me start off by saying I was in college. It was my first year, or as we call it here Prepatory year, because it’s not actually your first year studying your profession but a prep to get the GPA you want. So, in that year, I had a day off which was a Monday. And at that time, I had a boyfriend, actually 2 boyfriends. I met up with one of them the first week of college, on a Monday. And I met up with the other one the week after “let’s call him Jake”.
It was the first time I met Jake, and since I live in the Saudi Arabia, meeting guys is something you shouldn’t do and in this case, no one knew about. I went to him when I was supposedly headed to university, which is from 6am until maximum 4pm. So, I would stay with him that whole time. The first time I went to him, I had no intentions in getting sexual with him. I mean I don’t even know him. But he took me to his ‘room’ which supposedly other girls have been before. His brother and a couple of friends were there as well. As a Muslim girl, I covered up. So, walking around a group of boys wasn’t something I’d normally do. I don’t remember the steps exactly, but we sat down on a mattress with a big blanket, and he laid down next to me. I don’t recall if anyone was in the room at that time but that’s when he approached me. I was like what are you doing? He was on top of me, yet under the blanket, trying to kiss me. I’d like to note that by that time, I hadn’t had my first kiss, and I definitely didn’t want it stolen. He was forcing me to kiss him till he finally managed. He then tried to strip me off of the many clothes I was wearing. Several clothes. I don’t want to get into detail but he overpowered me and I had to give in. I had to allow him to do whatever he wanted except take my virginity. I laid there thinking to myself, of all the times I wanted to get raped so I could know how it felt. Now, I’m at a place that I shouldn’t be, the favours aren’t at my side. This isn’t how I wanted it to be.
I remember going home that night thinking about all the times my friends warned me about guys and I didn’t listen. I was certain I would leave him once and for all but unfortunately, I didn’t. Even after all he’s done, I decided not to.
A couple of months later, I went to him and every time he’d promise he wouldn’t force me to do anything. The reason I didn’t want to do “it” was because it was forbidden in our religion, even though meeting boys and kissing is also forbidden, I didn’t see them as bad as what we were doing. He always promised he wouldn’t, yet when he got turned on, he would go back to his ways and do it. And I would go home saying I would never come back and I come back every time.
A week or two later, I missed him. Even though he hurt me in many ways, he really made me feel loved and I loved him greatly. He cared for me like no one ever did. I missed him and told him I’d be coming over. I usually call him right before I sleep to make sure he stays awake until I get to his house. And then I’d call him when I wake up. He would message me to tell me he was awake and hasn’t fallen asleep. But that night, I called him before I slept and when I woke up, which was around 5:00 am I started calling him. He didn’t pick up. I kept calling hoping he would but he still didn’t. I couldn’t stay home because my parents knew I was headed out. I kept calling him till it became 6am, still no reply. I was so eager to see him and I missed him, so I decided to hop on a taxi and go to his house, hopefully he’d pick up while I’m on the way. And of course, I had no cash on me. He was supposed to pay for the ride. I kept calling him the whole ride, which was about 45-50mins long and he didn’t reply. When we got there, I told the driver to hold on a bit. I kept calling, and a car passed by us. I was pretty desperate so I started waving my hand asking whoever was in the car for money. He pulled over and it turned out to be a security guard. He asked what was wrong and the driver literally ratted me out.
He said I came to meet someone and I have no money on me and I kept calling he/she but they never answered. The guard then started questioning me and wondering why I’d visit anyone at 6am. The he asked the driver which street he picked me up from and he told him, which is a very far away hood. I told the guard I was visiting a family to stay over. I had to get angry and tell him off before he finally minded his business and let me go. I then entered the house and called him once again. Standing beside his house door, which was in an apartment, I tried to hear his phone ring, hoping that he was just asleep. But no hope. I went down, and asked the driver what can I do I only got 6SR. I told him I’ll give him the rest when I get back home, and he can take my phone number. I’ll call him, and he’ll meet me in front of my house to collect the money. He agreed and left. I then wandered around the house hoping for him to show up. Under the sun, wearing my abaya, starting to feel hungry. Have no money on me, my phone not having much credit or battery. I sat down at a doorstep just praying to God. Men and guys would walk by and think I was a ‘worker’ and wonder what I was doing alone at that time. I wandered around the neighbourhood, went to a small market hoping for some cool air. But there was too much men I couldn’t dare enter. I stood beside a highway and cars passing by would horn and say slutty words to me. I would go back to my spot in front of the house and come back every now and then. Started sweating and feeling really hungry, losing all my strength. Several cars approached me trying to lure me in, others trying to help, yet I didn’t really give them attention. I started calling all the guys I knew, trying to get a ride out of this place. But all of them would agree to come and then laugh saying they love hearing me suffer. Hours passed, I was still alone. Started seeing group of boys here and there and getting frightened if they came close. Then I sat down at a doorstep praying help would come. When a car passed by in front of me, and I recognized the driver, and he recognized me. It was my boyfriend’s brother. Whom I’ve seen several of times when I came to visit. He asked me what I’m doing out here alone. I said I came for Jake, but he’s not answering his phone. He said, ” is he at home? Because I’m not sure”. I said I think so. He said hop in the car, I’ll take you in the house and we’ll see if he’s there. I sat in the back with a couple of other guys in the car. I tried not to look at them. His brother, let’s call him Matt, said I’m going to go get something then we’ll go check home. I said sure.
We then went home, slowly without anyone seeing and entered the room, and he wasn’t there. I sat down in agony and in relief at the same time because I could finally sit down somewhere cold. I told him I was starving and he said he’d get me some food. I should mention that Jake has always warned me about his brother, but I never really saw anything bad from him so I kind of trusted him. He then got me food and I ate. I was still fully covered. There was a drink there but he asked if I wanted Pepsi and I said yeah sure. He left to get it for me and I drank it, not much but I drank it. I then turned on my phone to record what he was saying so I could have proof in case anything happened. And I turned it off a while later. He kept asking me questions about Jake and other guys and questions about myself. He then started touching me. I told him to back off and he’d mock me. He touched me several of times and told me to strip my clothes off. I refused but then he got violent and I told him “Okay I’ll take them off don’t rip them.” Not to mention he was 2x times the size of Jake so he was pretty strong and no match for me. He then put my hand on his trousers to show me he was turned on. And slowly started forcing himself on me. He literally did everything to me, I begged him so badly not to take my virginity and literally cried and he said okay, since you’re young, I won’t ruin your life. Instead, I’ll do it in the back. Forcefully he did, and I almost fainted.
There was a point where I almost knocked out but then I snapped out of it. He’d hold my mouth so I wouldn’t scream in pain. In a way, I had to cooperate so that he’d be done faster. When he finished I had to act like I loved him and would never go back with my boyfriend again. I got dressed and he told me that he would be there for me from now on. And that he’s my new boyfriend. He told me to put my number in his phone, and I acted like I did. I took advantage of the fact that he was taking pills and wasn’t fully conscience. I had to play along. He then took me to a taxi and gave me enough money to pay the driver and the previous one. I got home about an hour later, met up with the taxi and gave him his money. I entered my house, rushed to the bathroom and threw my clothes in the washing machine because they smelt like smoke because he smoked the whole time. My bag, my hair, everything smelled liked SMOKE. I showered and tried to get the oder out of me. I then went to my bed crying and I fell asleep. I didn’t wake up until the next morning. My mom asking me if I was okay, that’s when I realised he put something in my drink. Luckily, I didn’t fall asleep anywhere else.
