I don’t understand why I’m such a bad person. I don’t want to be but maybe I was born like this. My grandmother was as I have heard a greedy, selfish, fake and a clever kind of person. My father is kind of said to be smart, nice and naive. He was the only well-educated person in family. His sisters on the other hand just like my grandma, well maybe an updated version. Even on my father’s funeral all they could talk about was an organizing a wedding demanded money from us and whole lot of greedy things. My mum on the other hand is not like that.

Sometimes when I have fights with mum, she says really cruel things to me. She says that I am just like them in a very, very cruel way. It hurts so much and the next day she becomes normal with me. She does not understand that he words she utters so easily put me in anguish for days.

One day I slept late, it was holidays and I was watching Netflix, and she gets angry at me for not keeping my books in order. I said I will do it in the morning. She in her cruel tone says you have started thinking that you are heroine or something like in Netflix. You are driven …. I can’t even type what she says.

Why does she have to say that? Have I inherited that bad behaviour? Sometimes I think that I will never have kids so that I stop this inheritance of this evil behaviour. Sometimes I feel like I am too harsh on myself, I should kind of ignore what she says, assume that she does not mean it. But I am not them! I am not!