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I am 27, fat, depressed and virgin

I am 27, fat, depressed and virgin. I got social anxiety disorder so it’s really hard for me to socialize with people, specially girls.

I once lost 95 lbs through extreme dieting and exercising and became skinny which got me a girlfriend who wouldn’t sleep with me unless we were married. She tried pressurizing me into marrying her for 1.5 years of our 2-year relationship. I refused to do so because I knew I couldn’t marry someone and have children while I am clinically depressed, not in a stable place in my life and never have experienced sexual intercourse. I also couldn’t get out of that relationship because every time I tried to do so she would have cried like a baby and made me guilty as hell. This relationship made me more anxious, more depressed, and fat again.

My family didn’t make it easier on me either. For my whole life, I had to watch my parents fight each other and my sister fight my father because he was and is a control freak who has tried to control every single aspect of our lives since the beginning. Since I was ten, in every fight, my responsibility was to calm everyone down and try to prevent the situation to get too violent.

I won’t think about asking girls out because I think they loathe me for my body. Last week I was called fat and hideous and was compared to an extremely overweight powerlifter by bunch of people who I relied on for emotional support which made me realize that I was right about people loathing me.

Anyway, I’m finishing my masters in CS and trying to focus on my job as a software developer because that’s the only thing I’ve got.

 

One Comment


  1. Hi!
    Pretty cool that you’re finishing your masters in CS. I really hope you’re as proud of it as you should.
    I’m sorry that people you relied on called you hideous, they shouldn’t have said that. Anyway, what I wanted to tell you, was that you worry too much about people’s opinions. Being fat, skinny, short or tall, none of that matters unless it’s at unhealthy level. I don’t know if it is in your case, but it will always be the personality people care about in the end. The older you get, you’ll begin to realise that looks don’t play as big of a role as they do at this point in your life. Those people telling and calling you such things, they just haven’t realised it yet. Some people never realise it, but i hope you do soon, so you can move on with your life and be as happy as you deserve. And don’t be afraid to ask girls out! Remember we are all different:)

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