Look here, I haven’t been on much dates. Phew! Now that is out of the way let me explain the most recent experience I had with dating and what I learned to do and never do again. This time the date was set together for a movie, yeah, I know a “m was all dressed up with my favorite shirt, threw some cologne on and rushed with excitement to pick her up. I’m a little early so I drive to the gas station for some lifesaving gum, you cannot be too safe. I arrive at her apartment and the night begins.
Let me break this girl and date down for you. She is athletic, beautiful, energetic, and enjoys healthy living, like myself. She is also a temporary seller for a pest control company and happened to be leaving that very Saturday. Age is not an issue for me, it’s how you choose to act, so I’m not going to mention how she was 3 years older than me…… I would definitely rate myself as a late bloomer in the dating industry and this attributes to my first mistake: assuming my inexperience made me a bit inadequate for some parts of this date, especially the goodbye!
I enjoy interacting with people, I have had much practice communicating independently with others, male or female. The entirety of this event was far from a disaster, but THAT STUPID ENDING!!!!
Both sides will create expectations when dating and the big problem is that they may be opposite expectations. The nerves are packed on when listening to her advantage:
It would be accurate in saying she is a practiced dater which happens to be my disadvantage. The movie sucked, we left early to grab a bite to eat and I’ll mention it again, talking with women isn’t my weakness, but I found out last night that, concluding a date, is. She was called into a work meeting early due to her final week of selling, so she had to open this invitation “Meeting is over at 10pm if you want to continue, it’s your call”! I was raised with 4 sisters, I assumed that I was good at reading emotions and words. NOPE! As I dropped her off, she said she enjoyed the night and headed into the meeting. Okay, I said goodbye, she is gone, nothing awkward, “GET OUT OF THERE!!” What do I do? I decide to wait for 10pm!!! I bought some fruit at Walmart for some of her colleagues who were driving home that week.
Meeting is done and I decide that I am just going to leave the fruit with her and say goodbye.
Step 1: leave the fruit, COMPLETED.
Step 2: Say goodbye, COMPLETED.
Step 3: Leave and go home, COMPL……NOPE!!!
As I was leaving she followed me outside, downstairs, and to my car!! Does this seem obvious to anyone else? My thoughts “Crap, does she want a kiss, do I shake her hand, (nope that’s stupid), a hug?”
As I am awkwardly saying goodbye, she asked why am I getting teary eyed!!!! Was I? It didn’t feel like it? “What’s wrong?” she asks. Completely threw me off guard, nothing felt wrong, I don’t remember having watery eyes, what is going on? FIGHT OR FLIGHT I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!!!! I said, “I had a goodnight, bye” walked quickly to my car, shut the door and drove off with my music blasting. “Why did I come back?”
On the drive home, I swore off dating and imagined my life as a bachelor living on an abandoned island with a dog. I do not get embarrassed easy, when I do, it is shrugged off, but I was sure my head was going to catch flame and blowup from burning cheeks this time. Seriously, you feel as if the ability to talk has disappeared.
Have I become a monk? Disavowing the presence of women in my life forever? NO WAY! You must use your personal failures or mistakes and learn from them. What have I learned? If you’re beginning I would suggest double dating or group dating. There is less pressure and expectations created. Use this as practice to talk around women, to focus on their likes and dislikes, I believe this setting allows for great experiences and preparation for single dates in the future, plus they are full of fun, just make sure that in this atmosphere you are still focusing on Your date. What else? If you are unsure of what she wants at the end of a date use this trick. When saying goodbye and the signs are unclear to you, meaning; you have zero clue what she wants, but she isn’t going anywhere. Step right up to her! Not side by side! Not behind her! Not 2 feet apart! Step close enough that your feet are almost touching hers. Tell her slowly how you enjoyed the night and GO FOR THE FREAKIN KISS!!! Before I explain that kiss, stepping up to her shows that you are possibly making a move, at this point she may already backup or tell you to your face that she is not ready for anything, but then again, she may not move at all! This simple step forward will help indicate her expectations and make all intentions clear. Now! Use these indicators to either step back or “GO FOR THAT KISS”! Biggest fear is rejection, right, but forget about it, it’s not the end of the world when you don’t get that kiss. Respect her wishes if she refuses, but respect yourself as well, you won’t be a failure, don’t give up! The biggest fear should be regret, do not hesitate because you may miss some great opportunities, how will you know if you do not put action over hesitation?