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Depression is NOT a disease

Depression is NOT a disease. And personally, I don’t think it’s an illness or anything like that either. Psychologists are quick to offer you pills of all sorts if you even mention a prolonged sadness. Is it not a strange world to live in? Should pills really be the first choice?

I’ve had depression for as long as I can remember. I was diagnosed around the age of thirteen with Major Depressive Disorder, and immediately had pills thrown at me. There wasn’t talk of any other treatment.

Let me tell you what the pills did. Yes, on the outside they corrected me. Everyone said I seemed happier, more calm. More normal. On the inside, this was not the case. I felt like I was in a dream. I became confused, wondering if I was awake or dreaming all the time.

Until the nightmares started.

People hung themselves from the ceiling fan, their bodies twirling round and round. The TV on static permanently. People screaming, people bleeding. I told my Psychologist that this was not working. I didn’t feel like me anymore. I felt trapped.

Know what they did?

Gave me more pills. Same thing happened. Asked for another treatment. More pills, same thing happens. Get another Psychologist. More pills, same results. Go to a shrink, more pills.

Depression to me, is a state of mind. Something bad happens and puts you in that state of mind.

For me, it was family. My parents got divorced. Remarried, and got divorced. I went through three of these before I was thirteen. It is a burden to not be able to see the other two people who came into my life and became my new parents. To have them taken away so cruelly.

For me it was also being bullied at school. Being bullied to the point where I snapped and broke a child’s arm for shoving dirty socks in my mouth.

For me, it was the mental stress of seeing my mother quit caring for her children. Choosing to run away with a man while she was married and to leave her children to fend for themselves.

For me, it was seeing me becoming cruel to those around me simply because I was afraid to get hurt anymore.

For me, it was trying to kill myself because I truly thought life wasn’t worth it. Taking those pills that apparently were supposed to help in a large dose so they would turn lethal. So, I wouldn’t have to live anymore.

So, I wouldn’t have to feel so broken.

So, I wouldn’t have to feel so hurt.

So, I wouldn’t have to feel so lonely.

But I got a second chance. And I’m here to tell you. Depression can be fought. You yourself have to fight it. Every day, for the rest of your life. Positivity is the weapon turned lethal against Depression. Also, don’t stagnate in regrets/past hurts/or anything else negative. Get up and do something. Enjoy life as it comes, even the bad days. Because the bad days are important. They challenge you and help you grow as a person.

The most important thing though is to get up and do. Don’t let Depression win. I know pills work for some people, and that’s great. But for people who don’t want the pills, or can’t take the pills, I’m here to tell you…

You can fight.

And you can win.

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