I am 17-year-old living in a big city with huge responsibility because I am already in collage. I graduated in high school only 2 years. I used to be the person who always agree with my parent’s choice. My parents were divorced and I lived with my mom. They ended in good terms but they never told me why they were separated. So, I was raised with all those questions.

It begin when I started collage, I began to know about the real stuff about life, and suddenly I trapped in situation that I began to think I just wanted to quit. Suddenly I feel something, like a big hole inside my heart. I feel empty inside. I become someone who like to be alone. I always think it is because my age. I have been forced to be someone that I don’t like. I had to fake smile, tried to be ‘that girl’. I have to act like a super adult, I lost my childhood.

Sometimes I feel I want to pack a bag and storm out and never come back. I begin feel that life is sucks, life is just routine. I wake up, breakfast, study, go home, study, and go to sleep. What if my life just like that forever? I try to find new things that maybe I will like that. But I don’t know everything just messed up I lost the will to live. I begin to think to end this shit. There are so many nightmares, I had nightmare that I had been shot in the head and arms. I could feel the pain while I am sleeping. I feel the bullets ripping of my body.

Please tell me what should I do to deal with all this kind feeling. Because I literally feel lonely and empty. I don’t like to tell my parents how I feel because they are dramatic and they will never understand it, and of course in the end I will just try to comfort them.