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You were the father every little girl dreamed of having

Dear father,

You were the perfect father. The father every little girl dreamed of having. I don’t understand. Why did you go? Why did you choose the path you chose over us? Every day I wonder to myself if it was ever my fault. Why would you leave us? We were your family. I think of that every single day. Was it more important than us? Was it worth seeing us crumble?

I see you once maybe every so couple of months. That’s only if I’m lucky, if you decided you can stop for just a couple of hours. What about us? Our family. Our feelings. Father it hurts me to say that you’ve broken my heart more than any other guy ever has. You’ve fallen, in a horrible situation that you can’t seem to get yourself out of. The addiction. All to erase the mistakes you’ve made since the first drink. Drink. Sip. Maybe the more you take the more you’ll forget. At least it’s what you think.

I wonder if you ever even regret what you did in those last moments you spent with us? Is there ever a moment you’d actually want to go back to and restart? Is there ever a time when you just stop? And think of us. Your three daughters that lost the person they looked up to the most?

When I see you, sometimes you burst into tears and apologize. But I know that in a nick of time you’ll just start it all over again like nothing was ever said or nothing ever happened.

No matter how deep you fall in the hole of addictions. I will love unconditionally. But I will always be in pain. It’s something I will never forget.

Love C.R

 

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