Share one of your life's stories:

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I don’t want to live my life till the end

I’m young adult so far. I’m doing okay in my studies in collage and I have few friends. But I don’t want to live my life till the end. I don’t consider myself suicidal, since I don’t harm myself. It’s just that I’m terrified to find myself some 3 5-year-old lady, who is doing job every day, then going home to nothing. It’s not that I’m alone that bothers me. (I’m too afraid of actual relationship rather that loneliness) It’s just that ever since I was twelve it has been my life. Wake up. School. Reading at home or whatever. Sleep. I do sometimes spend time with friends and sometimes it’s even nice, but… I can’t be with friends forever.

And to tell any possible reader. I’m not depressed. Depression is serious topic and I don’t consider that my childish angst that has just transferred into adulthood is anything that serious. I enjoy somethings in my life. It’s just that I feel that it should be ending soon. Like… it’s been fine and nice, but I’m ready to it to end. I don’t think I ever was bullied or anything either. I was just oversensitive as a child and stopped dreaming very young. I don’t have goals or passions. I just have variations of things that keep me busy. And more I learn about life, I discover that it isn’t enough.

I’m not looking for help with this. (I already tried that couple of years back.) I just needed to go out. And I can’t really go and talk to my friends since they give me the same “One day it’s going to be okay,” well I listened to that few years and found out that just because you believe in something it’s not real. But I hope I didn’t bring anyone down with this. It just feels better when you can say it aloud and it’s not just in your head anymore.

 

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