Once I saw a motivation movie based on true story. The lesson I got from the movie simply like “No Pain, No Gain.” In detail, every success and famous person always have hard path and suffer first before being success. Then, a question comes to my mind. If I want to be success, then what biggest problem I have faced?
I looked back to my life. I thought I haven’t suffered from any hard problems in my life. There are several problems, but I don’t think those were such serious problems and I could get it through. Begin from that time, I did curious about what will I become in the future, can I become success, can I get my dream which is continue my study abroad. Can I? And then if all the success need some sacrifices first, what problem I will face?
Then, what I used to curious come in reality. A big problem comes. A big secret the whole family have hidden it from me for almost twenty-four years finally revealed. I am not born in the family where I belong. I don’t know who is the person who pregnant and give a born to me (I don’t call her a mother, because she never deserves to be called like that). Even though they revealed me the truth, but in fact, they still keep some secret. They didn’t want to tell me who is that irresponsible woman and man.
In the end, I don’t want to know about it either. It is enough for me to accept the reality which have been hidden from me for twenty-four years. How come a family and even neighbourhood kept the secret for that long. Well… however, let me think positively. I am blessed to be raised in a lovely family, rather than left in an orphanage or in the street. Well, until that time I can accept my fate, even after the shock moment and even the thought about suicide came cross to my mind.
Then I married to a very kind and patient husband. I always thought positively that after marriage, God will kindly give His bless to me and will give ease my path and my dream.
In fact, that not the case. I got problems with acquaintance in work which made me decide to leave my job, then continue with failing on scholarship applications (I have applied three or four times to different scholarship and didn’t make it). Then continue with short of money condition…. Problem and problem come one by one but doesn’t leave me easily.
Then in the last I am forced to join a concert committee held by my previous institute, which I really refuse in the first but still being dragged into the trouble.
Sick of these problems… I want to get out of it one by one, but why I still unable to do it. I want to get out from the concert committee, but why some people still hold me tight in the time I didn’t want to do it. I don’t want to be forced. I want to focus on other problem. I want to focus on searching job and prepare my study again. I don’t want to be dragged into problem. Let me go out of it.