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My big problem started really earlier when I was 18 years old

Hi, am a 23 years old female who feels that she got the worst life of all.

My big problem started really earlier when I was 18 years old. I met a guy who I fell in love with for 4 years without admitting it to him.

We stayed friends this whole period even though I was holding tons of feelings for him. Throw all the challenges that I have faced I’ve faced in my collage I leaned on him even if 50% of the time he wasn’t even there so I was depending on myself in almost everything.

Feeling that aching pain in my chest every single day. Counting the time, I will wake up and find out that he feels the same or he broke up with his girlfriend. Not to be judged I was always there to support him and never interrupted with his relationship, I even sometimes used to solve their fights. I cried every now and then about my wasted feelings and how I feel deep down like not the other girls who are being loved and take care of.

Then one day I decided that I need to step out of all this, and I made it, I texted him and told him that we need to stop being friends because I can’t hold back my feelings anymore.

Yes, I admit it. And he was expecting this because somehow, we used to share a lot of chemistry together, but he told me that the circumstances don’t allow for us to be real, and from that night everything that was related to him was over. I decided to create a new life of the pain and I really challenged myself to get stronger and this is what really happened, I convinced myself that something is better is on the way and this hope destroyed me as am going to explain in minutes.

I cried for nights for months. But I was determinant to get out of all this. I made it, in 6 months and at the start of the new year I was completely fine! Then comes a guy who looks like an angel from the first day I saw him, and yes, I liked him too much as he did too. He started to chase me and try to talk to me and I was so excited that finally for once life is being on my side. We shared everything together and it was all of a fantasy.

A cute athlete guy that is really attractive talking to me and loving me, taking care of me, and complementing me all day long which something I lacked my whole life.

But sadly, shit happened when we started discussing our future together because we live in two different cities and I can’t enter his because we are under occupation, so he saw our relationship as a hopeless case and didn’t want to take a risk so he decided to end our relationship.

I was in a crash, all my dreams and hopes were connected to him and the minute he left I felt like my life is over, I did everything to get over him I talked to my friends and family, read online advice, travelled … but nothing really worked. Am seeing him everywhere. Then I collapsed and talked to him once at night while I was out of the country and told him I want his support because am so down. He told me he’ll be there for me and we started talking again.

Then suddenly, 2 day ago. He decided to leave.

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