I think I want to die…
I was a mistake from the beginning. My parents did not love one another and were merely “friends with benefits.” My mother tried to abort her pregnancy with Plan B, but failed, sadly. I grew up hated, unwanted, and abused. I told myself that I would never let them get the best of me though. I was going to grow up strong and become successful. Then, when I was fifteen, I was placed into the foster care system because it had taken fifteen years for someone to realize I was I was living unhealthy.
I thought things were going to get better. I was wrong. I became their personal slave. I was to do the cleaning, cooking, and babysitting. I was expected to run the house with over fourteen people living in it. My foster parents liked to put on a show claiming they were saints doing so much good in the world, but, they took the money from the state and used it to go on vacations without any of the foster kids. I was still miserable.
I thought things would get better when I graduated high school. I was going to college, and I was going to become successful and get the hell out of this state. Then, the real world laughed in my face and crushed my dreams. I didn’t have the money or the support to go to college. I barely had enough money to pay my tuition. I decided I would go to a local college and stay at home. I couldn’t afford living on campus.
Now, I am a freshman in Nursing school, which alone is hard to handle. I also have to work part time to help pay for everything, and I am constantly expected to watch all the foster kids living in this house. I have not slept in days. I try to study the best I can, but I can never find the time. Now, I just got news that I failed one of the easiest classes in college: FRESHMAN SEMINAR! How am I supposed to do this?
I feel like I was meant to die years ago. Maybe I should just stop trying so hard and let life wipe me off the earth.