I vividly remember the rush that I felt through my veins as I first saw you. And you glanced a look at me. For you I was just another face. But for me, I felt like you were this beautiful creature on Earth.
I didn’t know anything about you but all I knew was I wanted to be around you. You wore this red tank top that clearly showed off your muscular, well defined arms and oh was I mesmerized by it. I had come rushing downstairs from doing my cardio on the machines on the top floor. And as I opened the door, my face all sweaty and red, there you were. Looking so hot. And you glanced an eye at me. And at that point, I kid you not, it was like my whole world flipped with fucking butterflies in my stomach. I quickly made my way out of the gym. I remember smiling throughout my way back home like a goofy idiot. I thought you were the prettiest boy I had ever seen. And I knew you could almost never be mine.
A few weeks passed by, unfortunately our timings never clashed. I used to see you once in a while. I don’t know if you even noticed me then or not. You kind of used to be lost in your own world. Or maybe you just didn’t like me. I could understand that. After a few weeks, our timings seem to collide. I would get to catch a look at you even more. And I loved it. I started to notice you looking at me. Oh, I’m not going to lie. It felt good. It made me feel wanted. Something I wasn’t used to feeling. Soon later we began our small talks. Just the usual small talks. And then I made the first move of asking for your number as you never asked for mine. But oh, would I give it to you in a split second if you just did.
Our texting escalated faster than quick sand as we exchanged our explicit desires. I should have known then. But I was this dumb girl, hopelessly wanting someone to fill my void. Hoping it would be YOU. Never was I so wrong. After all, I wasn’t thinking with my right mind. Soon later, we started exploring our explicit desires. I thought you liked me for who I was. But you only liked me for my body and not my soul. You made it clear you didn’t want to be in a relationship with me but still wanted something from me. Oh, my stupid, hopeless heart. Thinking it would turn into something more. It rarely does.
But here’s the thing. I still liked you a lot. Despite all of that. And I hate myself for it. For you, I’m just another chick to mess with. But for me, I wanted you to be a part of my life. I know that was too much for me to ask for. Maybe I’m not worthy of it. Maybe I’m not worthy of you. And I’m sorry. But now time to accept the fact that you were no angel sent to fix my wounds or fill my void. You were just a guy I fell for.
It’s now time to get back up and feel the sun shining on my face.