I am madly attracted to someone whom I can’t have. I know I should move on, but I don’t want to yet.
We were only friends for 3 months, but we grew very close and we spent so much time together. I cherished every moment with him, he was so silly and sweet and handsome… I really liked him, and I wanted to share something special with him, and he slowly opened up to me about his life.
He was a very private and closeted person, but he seemed to trust me. I wanted him so much, I couldn’t control my emotions every time I was around him.
I tried so hard to keep my mouth shut and refrain from telling him everything that was on my mind. I gave him little clues about how much I was attracted to him, and he seemed to feel the same, but we never said a word.
Then he moved away for his studies, and I cut him out because I knew it was for the best. A year later I got back in touch with him and told him everything I felt, and how I still want him and yearn for him. He finally admitted he did have feelings for me, but he never let them develop because he knew from the start that he was leaving. So, it never amounted to anything…
We tried talking for a month to see if it would go anywhere, and I was falling madly in love with him again, but he said he just wasn’t feeling it and it wasn’t right for either of us. We decided to stay friends, and I know it was the best solution, but I can’t help still wishing I could be with him.
2 months later I still think about him every day, especially at night. I wish I could wrap my arms around him and I feel such bittersweet pain remembering him and picturing what we could have had.
I often wonder if maybe one day we’ll meet again, and maybe we’ll finally get to spend the night together. I know it’s probably just a fantasy and I doubt we’ll ever get the chance, or that he would ever even want it, but it’s such an irresistible thought. It sounds cheesy, but I think our souls really connected. I have a strange affinity with him that I can’t explain.
Even though we only really knew each other for 3 months, it felt like an eternity and like I knew him all my life. I suspect I will eventually get over him, but I don’t want this to end, even if it’s all just in my head.