Share one of your life's stories:

When writing your story, please use correct spelling and grammar. Please use a capital I rather than a lower i, and use apostrophes correctly. Such as I'm, don't, can't.

I’m slowly losing my memory

I’m slowly losing my memory. Short term and long. People contact me, and I can’t remember who they are. I send a request for email information on Monday only for the person to remind me I replied to their email on Friday.

Facebook memories of important life events pop-up and I can’t remember them. I find it hard to type, spell, and speak. I live in permanent confusion. It’s getting much worse fast. The neurologist I saw in May 17 ignored my GP’s 23-page referral about my mitochondrial disorder. He took my money but failed to refer me for functional neurological disorder. My GP only found out 2 weeks ago.

The functional neurological disorder specialist’s books are now closed but my GP managed to get a referral from the neurologist within a week anyway. We will try other pathways. I haven’t been referred for suspected dementia. I’ve had complex post-traumatic stress all my life and it is getting worse despite treatment. I had an incident 6 weeks ago and thought I was starting to get a psychotic disorder because I was starting to think about conspiracies and had the sensation my mind was folding in on itself.

My psychiatrist said that no, anxiety disorders can push people into quasi-psychosis. We trialled another anti-psychotic medication which of course I had a reaction to, so it is a matter of just working with the anti-anxiety medication to keep me out of that zone. I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 many years ago but was asymptomatic as soon as I was put on mood stabilisers.

Since the incident 6 weeks ago, my mood has been fluctuating significantly and an increased dose has not helped. I am physically disabled by the mito and FND and this further reduces my access to treatment and community access. I don’t have any friends or family.

The friends I had have put me in the “too hard basket” now. I was always the contributor and I have nothing to contribute any more. I want to have my affairs in order but I’m not well enough to get them in order. It’s weird to not to remember my life and to have no one to want to know or remember me. My life is sliding into oblivion. I’m still alive but it’s already like I have never lived.

Leave an anonymous comment