My story is nothing more than an adaptation of the same timeless tale each of us spin in cadence with the world on which our story takes place. The details may vary, the scenery changes, the characters come and go and sometimes return when least expected. The soundtrack is always in sync, living in the background along with our aspirations and hopes as well as our anticipation and fears. We each play the roles of both protagonist and antagonist depending on who is recounting the tale. All the while, the plot stays the same. It has no genre, no one way to be described.
Love, Tragedy, Comedy, Suspense, Mystery. All woven together perfectly by us as the writers to create the greatest collective works existence may ever know.
“My Story” , when told from my point of view, as you should assume, will be shown in a light that shows the lead character to be as a whole, “good”. I must convey more goodness than bad in such a short description in order to illustrate the truth that through all my own ups and downs, choices good and bad, decisions right or wrong, the proverbial scales still tip in favor of good at all times no matter how slightly or unnoticeable.
In tradition of getting to the point , here is why i don’t need help listed in no order of importance:
- I’m fully capable of working and earning a living. I am neither physically nor mentally limited.
- I am intelligent
- I’ve been presented with more than my share of opportunities in my lifetime thus far.
We will leave it at three.. those are 3 deciding reasons i dont need help.
I Dont Need it in the sense that my case is hopeless. I am ASKING for it because i so desperately want the capital required to invest in my daughters, as well as my own, future.
I want to be……
I want to thrive in my world … I want to be able to create, to build, to learn and to teach .. I want to inspire and be a role model .. I want to lead and set the right examples .. I want to share love and be capable of receiving it in return .. I want to guide .. i want to raise my child in the manner we all agree is right and true, and that is unconditionally loving and supportive..
I want to be a good daddy… not to be seen as or thought of as a good daddy…
I want to be…
I want help in making this idea of mine real .. I want someone to invest in me. I want to create as i said before and as with most ideas and or ventures, it requires finance in order to begin.. i cant convey my thoughts as i see them but i can say, i can tell, I can assure that no matter if my idea succeeded or failed when i look back at the scary, beautiful landscape that has been my life, i assure that will give this all I have ..
I became a father 9 days after my 30th birthday . And it has been changing and reshaping me and my view of my world non stop ever since .. I wont be overly sentimental, but i will say there is nothing I will not do for my baby.
This is not a story so sad that my little girl wont eat or be warm due to her dads inability to raise money to fund what he is asking of the figurative world.. on the contrary she will be safe and warm tonight although her dad has no home , she wont be hungry today even if her dad doeskin know where his next meal will come from.. This is not out of immediate desperation, she is with her mom safe and comfortable and very loved. She wont ever watch her mom and dad fight or scream at one another, she doesnt have to experience her parents divorce or not know one or the other… she has a mommy and a daddy who both love her so much , that even tho they are not together, they love her so much that their own differences will never be placed above the welfare of the miracle that took them both to create.
I want a future ..
As of today (Dec.7,2015) , i am single, jobless, homeless, and without a vehicle. I am just as far down as i have ever been , albiet no further. Ive been at this same crossroads before, I’m sure I have, for I can recognize it by the signs .The signs that give me no direction, always just far enough away to not show their names.
Only this time I’m not alone. Now I ask you to please not mis-view my choice of poetics, “not alone” can be so much scarier than comforting given the right set of circumstances, because you see, I’m the one who’s been here before, i should know the way . The beautiful little girl holding my hand while i search for direction is wonderfully unaware that bad choices do exist , that there are wrong turns. She doesn’t yet understand the concepts of being lost, or misguided, or abandoned.. she doesn’t know this, much less that her daddy could wander so long searching and become so lost, that he can never make his way home. Not because he is incapable, but because its become too far away, the distance too great . He simply doesnt have enough time.. No, it can be very scary.. you see , much more frightening , is that one day she may by any way , from misdirection to only riding for joy, find herself at this same intersection, this same pivotal moment in her life. So its up to me to find my own way back on track. So that I can take her far enough in the other direction away from these alleyways and shortcuts and backroads so that she can see them from far enough away as to be able to see the whole view , to see the beautiful lights that sit in front of and blind you from the pitfalls and obstacles . Far enough away to see with clairity to know these are not down which the roads to go.
I digress ..
I dont need help…
She needs me…
As far as my story, i could fill in every hole, every gap. I could go on , but as ive said before its just the same as yours.. you and i could break down each others story, every single infinite detail of our experiences, our hardships, our self righteousness, or morals ,ethics,wants,needs,hopes,dreams,fears,and heartache ….our friendships, relationships, our Faith, our fortunes and misfortunes. The way we handle them …. all these important but infinite details that help illustrate our own short and personal stories ,we can lay them side by side and compare until the last page . But all the while the plot remains the same for each one of us.
So i choose to offer my story not as a tragedy, but as a mystery . After all , i am its author, just as you are yours. And from one artist to another, i want to ask for your help , as i thank you for your time
As of today … I …..
…… Once upon a time……..
Sincerely,
– James
