I hope she smells like vanilla too.

We haven’t talked in a while maybe ten days or so, not because he could ever get tired of grabbing my attention as he did with my hand, but because I closed all the doors for him, not all of them to be honest, I left one open for extreme occasions although dead bodies can’t use messenger. However, he didn’t disappoint me with his cheesy approaches he did approach me on a cold evening with a string of none related messages. He told me about how good everything was going, how he has been going to the gym, practising chess which he loved, I felt nothing.

As I continued reading he got to the point… I’m in a relationship with her; he said as if he was trying to not talk about it and only talk about it in the same time, the her refers to her obviously, his guardian angel all throughout our relationship, after some time it gets boring to figure out if he was cheating or not, it really doesn’t matter what does matter is that he made me feel unworthy, unloved and most importantly replaceable.

After reading his declarative statement, still, I felt nothing, I didn’t reply because he will take the slightest chance I give to him and certainly he doesn’t deserve it…I learned that the hard way…anyhow I turned off Wi-Fi and went to sleep if that’s what you would like to call it, and there I did my fair share of thinking, the feeling of a used Band-Aid didn’t make me cry nor imagining him saying the same heart-touching words except this time to a prettier smile, he won’t really suffer he can use the exact same lines, we both have brown eyes after all…and there as I laid surprised of my feeling less the first tear dropped, my pillow was still dry until I thought of him writing that message…he didn’t disappoint me, but I did… he was telling me all these facts that I couldn’t care less about, with hopes that maybe I’ll tell him about the weather here, or the new café I started obsessing over, if I were him I would’ve missed me, even my endless talking about stuff he hasn’t even heard of, I mean I used to tell him everything, once I bought a fancy shampoo bottle with honey and deep vanilla and obviously I was super excited about it, he shared my happiness or at least he did his best with reacting to whatever deep vanilla meant… that shampoo bottle is still fucking half full and his nose is already stuffed in another’s hair…I hope she smells like vanilla too.