HI, I’m a 16-year-old female, young huh? Yes at this young I had to mature, quickly but surely. I have three sisters and 2 brothers, one passed away from being shot.

As being a toddler, I was always happy, I use to run around in my diapers and just amaze everyone and out a smile on everyone’s face, as my years went out I started to dress myself up, but in mix match clothes.

Around this time, I went to a school where everyone was like that, so guess I can say I blended in well. As I started to get older my sister who is 4 years older than me was beating me, rather it was because I wouldn’t get her anything to drink, simply move out of a chair or because I wouldn’t give her the remote, it got so bad, one time she kicked me in my ribs and I couldn’t walk for days.

My mom could no longer handle where we lived so we moved in a suburban area which was called Austin-town, and to mention, I’m a mixed child, as I started schools down there I started to notice kids didn’t look at me the same. As I started to get older I noticed my skin changing, I started to progress a skin condition, my doctors were never sure on what it was, so they handed me creams and creams here and there, but it had never worked. So yes, I noticed kids didn’t want to be bothered with me, look at me or even say one thing to me.

This went on and on and eventually turned into a serious case of bullying, I started to harm myself, I started to become depressed, I started to eat every-time I was hungry, bored, and sad. I went to Austin-town school’s for about 3 years. My last year in Austin-town, an older female, which was in I think two and three higher grades then me, came out of nowhere with a mouth full of water and spit it all over me, the next day later after school I was walking to the library where she had seen me again, and started to attack me, and no way could I defend myself, because even though I was a very overweight kid, she was taller than me and she had a weapon, which were brass knuckles, it’s illegal where I’m from.

After that they wanted to take me to the hospital, I had an almost broken neck and contusion on literally all my bones. Later we tried to press chargers, but the police wouldn’t do anything, they seen me as the aggressor, because I was bigger than her weight wise and my skin was different from hers. I then got suspended and when I got back you wouldn’t believe how worse the bullying got, I started to lose focus in school.

I failed sixth grade, I didn’t meet their standards, not only was I losing focus their work was too hard for me. I then got schools switched, and went back to the area I was before, I went to a performing arts school for choir and acting.

At first everything was okay, but since I’ve got older, the kids were no longer the same, as the school year went on I started to get bullied even more. My childhood best friend invited me over, at this time me and her didn’t talk for a while, I started to go over there often and noticed she had some boys over, I also noticed she began smoking.

So one night I thought okay if she’s doing it, it’ll be okay, I started to smoke, I admit it was very nasty, I was high, high to the point I couldn’t even make the right decisions nor say anything, one of the boys she had over started to hit on me in the car, he started to bite his lip at me and started to feel my leg, I had moved over and that was the end of that.

I thought okay he seen I didn’t want to do anything rest of the night should be okay. I’m 14 now, I don’t want to lose my virginity to a boy I hardly know specially at this age, I always said I wouldn’t have sex till marriage and I meant that.

We stopped to get something to eat then we went to her house, the boy’s little bother wanted to see my phone because it was an iPhone 6 and he didn’t have one, so I’m like okay but just put it on the table when you are done. I started to fall asleep has the boy started to flirt with me, not to get into the details but yes, he rapped me, I didn’t say no, and I didn’t say yes either.

For a long time I always said it was just sex because I didn’t say no. But I started to read online about rape cases and how its rape without consent, I didn’t tell anyone, not even my mom and till this day nobody knows what really happened but my closest family members and friends. I didn’t want to go to the court issues and right now I’m okay with it because he’s facing prison time for a murder case, but yea, I got so depressed when people started to find out, they went around saying I wanted it, I got in a dark stage where I just wanted to end it all.

To back track a little bit. Me and my older sister that I was talking about at the beginning have the same days, he signed her birth certificate but didn’t sign mine because he didn’t believe I was his, but somehow over the years he started to claim me, but I basically grew up without a father, he was never around, or he was in prison.

Later, 8th grade year I became best friends with this girl, I would go there all time because it was my escape, I’m 15 now, I started to feel like the world was against me, I had no father my mom was struggling, she was never there mentally like I wanted her to be and I wasn’t close with my siblings.

I started to date boys, a lot of them, I started to demand love, so I gave myself up to them because in my head if a boy can take my virginity so easy with my permission will they love me if they do, but they didn’t they just kept leaving so I started to do it even more, I wanted to feel that love that I never got or felt from my father but over time I realized no love can ever replace a father’s love.

I started to stop when everything started to get around and I started to be called names, even people I didn’t do anything with told people I did, and nobody would believe me because they thought if she did it with so and so she had to do it with him.

Fast forwarding a little, towards the end of 8th grade I got into another fight with a female I didn’t know, she stomped on my face and swung me by my hair, I then got transferred to a regular school, where I got put in my right grade which was the 9th. The second person who started talking to me at this school was this boy I’m currently with now code name (new) but at the time we were just friends and I didn’t notice he liked me because he wasn’t like all the other boys.

I started to like this boy but because what I have been through I was scared, we started to flirt and talk so I thought he really liked me, we both were at my best friend house, we had sex, and of course after that everyone started to talk about me again, he said stuff like how I was nasty and easy. After that I left everyone a lone, I started to have anxiety attacks and I became socially awkward. The only one who continued to talk to me is ” new “, New was a very sweet boy to me, he pushed me to do better in school, it took me a while, but he pushed me to open up to him and I don’t regret it.

We started to date February 4th, 2017, the beginning of our relationship was rocky because everyone was in his ear saying how I was going to leave him and how I’m going to end up messing with all these boys. He always told me he never believes them because he knows about my past and he doesn’t care, how he understood why I went through the stage I went through.

The bullying settled down at my new school because everyone who bullied me are starting to graduate or not show up. I still am depressed and I’m dealing with it, I still have anxiety attacks, I recently had one the other night. I know things are rough right now, and I still have my whole life ahead of me, things got worse at home, but I know things will get better. There’s more to my story, but I already know this is super long, so I hope everyone will get the guts I got and share their story. thanks. xoxo