I have a boyfriend who loves me and is the only one to get me. None really ever cared to be my friend. I had a best friend for 10 year who was the most toxic person and when I finally managed to get out of it I was never able to trust or open to someone else. I can’t make real friends. They just don’t know me and don’t get me. Even if they share personal stories and listen to theirs they always just go away. They don’t want to know me. And now I thought I at least found a good group of people at work to have fun with, but they think I am all judgy. It’s not that they don’t like me, or I am not their friend. I just don’t want to be that person again.
Even my manager told me that I used to be polite on my emails but not anymore; and I promise I am the most polite person in the team. I never send an email that does not address the person I always greet, and I even use smiley faces. But yet again I am that person. And my flatmate she is messy, and I don’t like her because she drives me nuts, but I never said a word. And instead of her feeling bad about making me the cleaner and maintenance it’s me that feels horrible that instead of living here she stays at her friend’s place even though she pays rent. None wants to be around me. I am not interesting enough. Something is definitely wrong with me. And now even though I don’t want to be that person I want to move 3 hours to another city to be with my boyfriend because I need someone. I need him. and so, I will now either be alone forever or sacrifice my career.