Sometimes I sit and wonder when it all started. I wonder ”when it will all end. I’ve been wondering that for years.
My whole life seems to be made up of trauma.
Every single day seems to last forever. The yelling, arguing, occasion shrills of my little brother, and the nagging depression I face all alone seem to never stop.
I can’t remember the last time we had a happy family dinner.
In all reality, I can’t remember the last time I had a family dinner with just my mom, dad, and older brother. They got divorced when I was two years old. Now my dad and step-mom live in a different state.
I rarely see them, and never text or call them. It’s almost like if I pretend they don’t exist then I don’t feel the pain of their absence.
Someone who I would not miss is my older brother, he has made my life A living hell, and continues to.
My parents have no idea of course, they are oblivious to everything. I’m not going to go on and on about everything that has happened in my life, just what is happening right now.
I’m in the worst depressive episode of my life. I’ve started self harming, as of now I’ve been clean for three days. I want to die.
I have recently discovered that I have more then one “personality” in a way, I am not self diagnosing with multiple personality disorder, but how would I know if I have it my mom won’t let me see a psychologist.
Anyways at this very moment my mom and neighbour are having a petty fight over a collage. I am emotionally numb. Today I started boxing, I love it. There’s more but I’m honestly to exhausted go on.
Today has been very emotionally and physically draining. Have a good day.