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I let this guy go who I think was really…

I let this guy go who i think was really crazy about me…anyways i didnt feel anything meaning i kept hiding from him 2 semesters before he graduated…by the following semester it was too too too late to start talking again….i started getting depress over thoughts like i might never see him again….i started remembering how good he was to me…how he really cared for me…i hated the thought of him meeting somebody else and not seeing him…i kept creating scenarios in my head…i kept thinking he is still crazy in love with me as he was before…but everytime we cross paths i can see that its all gone as if it was never there…i tried to look good to impress him…i bought clothes and i started to go to school w a little makeup on…so that he would see that im doing just fine…still nothing…i know its my fault…i kept thinking he would want to talk to me or at least initiate…ive got so much thing to say to him like i am really sorry….if i wasnt so proud i might have even begged him to come back to me…hes probably laughing at my misery…you see i failed twice so im behind two years…i was suppose to graduate with him but now im a year behind of him….today was suppose to be the last day i will see him but i decided not to go to that party…cause i know hes already happy…hes graduating and he has a lot of friends and hes very smart…i really took it hard nlt going there…i was gonna go but my so called friend ditch me so i didnt come…not even a thankyou…and for that other girl…she would not even pass if i wasnt there…i was expecting they would come look for me…well silly me for thinking i was there friends…to make it worst my best friends decided to go on tinders and i went out with them to go for a drink…you know cause i had been feeling lonely…but they just ended up looking at gguys…they were sitting together and i was on the other side…a third wheel on the worst day…i couldnt help but feel so so hurt!! Some friends they are!!! And my sister was suppose to come…it would have been better if she did cause atleast i wont be shunned on one of my lowest day…but she bailed…back to the guy…in my head it happend diffrently…he was gonna come over to talk to me and then i will shut him up to say all my sorry and then he will fall back in love with me again….stupid me…i let the guy that liked me that i actually like…karma for over a year now even past….i will miss N.T. so much he was a good guy…descent,he understand my weird crazy persona…by now he should be happy and drunk…hes done college…while im still here for another year…if he remembers me i will just be the stupid bitch girl who let him go away…thats my sucky ending i know i deserve whats coming to me but it hurts it really does…i hope hes happy wherever he will end up in or with!!! as for me i will promise not to loose my cool over someone not ever….i wont care for any other guy because i know how painful it is…karma dont take it lightly…im suffering but i deserve it!!!goodnight

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