My life has gone out of control in ways I had never ever imagined. I don’t have anyone to share my sorrowful tale. I feel I am terribly stuck at the moment and feeling so very helpless. It was in the year 2011 that I met my boy friend and ever since my life has not been the same. We were madly in love with each other that with all the hurdles we finally got married in 2013. But I never had dreamt in my wildest of dreams that he would behave in crazy ways given the problems in his life. He confessed (after I found out) , to me initially after we were half way through our relationship that he had a bad circle of friends and that they introduced him to gambling. He lost quite a lot of money and gambled without my knowledge a huge sum of money I had towards my masters education fees. When I got scared on seeing it only I got to know about his addiction. But he swore to me he will work and give back the money on time. And as all addicts would say he said it would be last time he had gambled. I promised to change his life to better and he said there is no life without me. But it never ended his gambling addiction continued till mid 2012 and he lost significant amount of money. But somehow he pawned his jewels and paid back my tuition fees. My love for him made me forgive him at all points. I tried all tactics to make him better and come out of the habit. And somehow when life necessitated he left the habit as he ran out of money. I mistook that and we entered wedlock amidst a lot of people’s displeasure as it was a intercaste marriage. He looked very baffled on the day of marriage and kept showing his anger on me then and there. I did not take it seriously. I made a mistake of getting pregnant immediately after my marriage. Once while I was pregnant we had an argument and I still remember how he bet me and forced me to come to someone’s house as he had promised we would visit. Later he felt sorry for what he did. But things never changed with him. To every visit to the hospital for check up he made me cry after fighting over something silly. I ended up having gestational BP. My pregnancy was complicated and I had no one around me to help. My parents came to visit me and the time they were here I was lucky he respected me and was behaving well to impress them. But I was somehow struck by fate again that I had a very complicated birthing and I ended up having a short operation after I had a haemorrhage. I spent many days in the hospital bed feeding and taking care of my baby . My baby is currently my only rejoice. I started enjoying my days with her but I have not yet fully recovered. But again he started to act differently and is showing hatred towards me. He keeps belittling me and is very verbally abusive. He never considers I have undergone a lot recently and that I have no one to care for me except him. In this position I don’t know what to do with a baby as I am literally in a foreign land where I have no relatives or friends. Absolutely stranded but yet don’t get the courage to take it up further legally as I still love him very deeply from the bottom of my heart!!!!
