I have experienced something at first sight. I don’t know what it is. Ideally it’s best to let it go, yet the chances of anything evolving from this are minimal thus I see no harm in exploring my fantasies in my mind.

I will offer a brief intro to myself.
I started dating at the age of 14. We broke up twice, once my parents moved out of state, and the second time I felt the relationship was over.

During our first breakup and within a year, I dated two guys. During our second two year breakup I was 23. I had two serious relationships and unofficially dated a few other guys. I went out, I had fun, I spent time to know myself and I explored my interests during this period. I played by my rules in the dating pool and I loved it. I was a magnet with boys and men with and without much effort.

Yet, The sadness lurked into me once more as I thought more about my long term relationship, my childhood sweetheart.

A few Facebook messages later and my ex- invited me for coffee. Fast forward 6 years later and we are unmarried in a committed relationship, working together and living together, raising our now 3 year old son.

Here is my secret. I have been faithful to him… And we have not had sex in 3 years.
I lost hope after the 2nd year of him avoiding even the subject.

The real story of today:

2 weeks ago we received a new account. A man comes into the office with a case and says he is just helping out his son by delivering this. “Everyone says my son is very young, how can he be a dentist? They don’t trust him but once he treats people they are very happy with him. One lady wrote him a letter saying how satisfied she was and how he is an excellent dentist”. I found it very endearing, how as a father he must be proud of his son sharing these brief stories here and there. I did speak with his son the doctor once, a couple of days back when I agreed to send him out prices. He talked in exclamation. Awkwardly Loud, robotic and forward, like “HELLO HUMANS! I COME IN PEACE! “. I laughed when I hung up, I imagined an energetic 40 year old man.
Some doctors are polite, a few a bit arrogant and this one was loud, I liked his odd vibe and In my mind I placed him in the “older gentleman guide” category.

As his father was talking about him I thought “how cute, of course he sees him young, he is his father! I’m 31 and still my mother sees me as the little one”.

A week and a half later, (2 days ago), I am at the front office about head out to Starbucks with a few orders on my list. I’m talking to the other women in the office as this young man walks in the office. Seems a little hurried and lost as if he was just pushed into the twilight zone. “He must be a new driver for our delivery service” I think “but why is he not putting down the delivery?”
Whenever any new strange guy steps into the office I become vigilant and stone cold professional. If I know them or they work with us, I am beyond warm and charismatic.

I ask him ” How can I help you?”
-” I’m dropping off a case”
He responds in a low muted tone.
“Okay, from which office? ” I ask.
And as I ask this I am running probabilities in my head, thinking back of any conversations I could have had where anyone was going to drop off anything.
He removes his sunglasses and I can see a mild resemblance to Johnny Depp and Curt Cobain. He doesn’t look mainstream good looking, he just looks odd and a bit pale.
::ping:: I felt an attraction.
“Hmmm from my office, Do you have a lab slip?”
The other woman gives him one and he starts writing the office name… As he talks about the case, I’m attentively listening to his low toned magnetic voice and I glance at the labslip. He’s the doctor? This young rebel 28 year old looking weird guy is the doctor?
Don’t get me wrong, weird for me is not bad. Also, I don’t know how old he actually is.

I don’t know at which point it happened but I could not turn away from him. His voice, his tone mesmerised me. I felt incredibly attracted to him.

I have been working with doctors for several years now, and never have I thought “I should date a dentist if I’m ever single”. I have not been attracted to anyone else for a long time, not even to my partner. Neither have I thought “He’s a dentist, he must be a catch”. Even when my libido was up the roof, this profession did not turn an inch of me on.
I have excellent peripheral vision, I caught a glimpse of my partner walking over but I did not turn to him at all. Nothing could distract me from the attraction I was feeling.

I have never been attracted to anyone so strongly at first sight and within the first 2 minutes.

I had a high sexual drive before but I have always been reserved. Flirt naturally yet wisely. Seldom said yes.

After he left, I left for my coffee. I needed fresh air to breath and smile stupidly at strangers.

I called him that day as he was expecting my call regarding that case. No answer and left a voice mail. He called me back today. His voice on the phone once again loud and robotic like. Not like in person, almost seems he reminds himself he must sound confident and older on the phone so he puts on an act.
I was happy he called.

I have fantasized about him these past days.

But why??

I tell myself:
This is not me (not so far at least).
I don’t fall for boys, love is not the honeymoon stage, love is what grows stronger throughout the years and grows in stages. Sex is not love, so I’m not having sex but I am building a future. I am loyal, caring…I’m a good woman. Why am I feeling this? How long will it last? I don’t know but I am enjoying feeling it. I’m not going to act on it…daydreaming wont hurt…
Oh, but I feel a STRONG attraction towards him. I want to see him again! Was he attracted to me? Did he feel it? Am I going crazy with my feeling?!? I want to go out with him and talk. I want to get to know him. I want to eat with him. To know his quirks and explore his mind. I want to have sex with him…but I haven’t had sex in a long time. Okay, I want to imagine having sex with him. Yes that’ll do for now.

That will never happen, it shouldn’t, it couldn’t.

Yes this is exactly what I’m thinking.

I apologise as this is not well written, bit I had to let it out. I want to let it out. I won’t.