Okay… so I don’t really want to talk about my feelings but it’s easier this way, so here it comes.

I am a 13-year-old girl and here’s my story.

When I was 3 my sister was born, she got diagnosed with cancer in 2008 when I was 4 and she 1.

After many months in hospital she died 2010. My parents were going to get divorce before all this but stayed together for my sister. The minute she passed away they fought. I was going to start school and had to stay with my grandparent’s cause that’s how much the fought.

I started school and everything was fine cause my parents didn’t live together anymore.

And after 9 months without seeing my mother I got to stay with her for a weekend.

I got there and she hired a babysitter and left me… She went to a party.

Then she paid me money for not telling my dad as I was only 6 I accepted.

This was going on until my birthday.

My mother came with an weird looking guy I didn’t like the minute I met him, so I tried avoiding him.

Turns out he was the father of my brother to be, my mother was pregnant.

I was only 7 now so I was happy to get a baby bro.

When my brother was born everything seemed fine.

My mother was home with me and my brother and I was with here every second weekend now.

But then she started partying again after just 3 months of happiness. I got left alone home to take care of my brother.

My mother came home and every day and night she would fight with my step dad. I took care that the house was clean that my brother got food and stuff.

Then one evening when mom was gone my step dad came and he hit me.

He then grabbed me by the arm and locked me first outside to then just take me inside and lock me in my room.

I tried to tell my dad and mom but none of them believed me so I didn’t believe me either.

I love my dad, and he is very nice and weird in the good way 😉

But then it became worse… When I was in the pool we had outside he came and grabbed me…. like… in the private parts…. Every time I was in the pool or alone with him. But I didn’t know it was wrong. Then after many, many violent nights they got a divorce.

It took 2 years!

Then my ex-stepdad took away my brother. I didn’t know how my brother was. I didn’t know if he was dead or sick or happy. And it took 10 months by every tie I got to see him.

Now I was just 9.

I got Anorexic and my grand dad died.

I didn’t eat, and it lasted for 1 years with absolutely no eating, not even candy.

I turned 10 and my mother still partied.

I got to see my brother but my mother doesn’t care about me.

Ever since I was 11 she has been together with another guy.

He is very…. very… well… I HATE HIM!!!!! I FUCKING HATE HIM! it’s hard to explain why…. I just FUCKING HATE HIM.

My mother love home the fight a lot and the both are alcoholic so I watched out for my brother that was now 4/5 years old. There were nights that none of them would be home until 5 in the morning. And they both drunk would scream to each other and I had to keep my brother safe.

My mother took me out to meet new men and even tried to get me into clubs.

This has been going on since I was 11.

Now I am 13… and it’s 15 May. I haven’t seen my brother since 19 October.

My mother calls me every time she needs it but who am I going to call… I mean I got my dad… but I don’t want him to think bad about my mother because she has her good times too…

I have only talked about her bad times. I just… I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. Cause the last 5 months I have just not wanted to get up… my head hurts I am already an overthinker but it’s getting worse I DON’T FUCKING KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME …. If you have read all this you probably know it’s many wrong letters etc. But I am writing fast (I am with my mom now).

If you are still here…. please help…. I have self-harmed… I have thrown up food… at least tried… I have hit myself with and belt…. and… I don’t know anymore…