It’s a sunny day, the weather was great and calm and everything seems so peaceful. Except my mind.

In my head, everything is a chaos and I don’t even know why I have this burden inside, maybe because I hadn’t forgiven the people who hurt me or I couldn’t forgive myself for being this piece of shit. Existing gets tiring and I feel like I can’t keep going on and you know I feel shitty that I should just kill myself, but I can’t. Not yet.

I woke up, with dried tears in my pillow knowing I slept only for couple hours, getting up seems a challenge to me, or maybe I’m just lazy I don’t know all I know is I forgot how it felt like to win because I’ve been losing this never-ending pain in my head, and every day the demons seem to get louder. It’s scary because they have a point.

“Your useless for them”, “You’re not good enough” “No one will stay, because you know in the end you only have us”.

It’s scary because sometimes I listen to them and they were right, people always leave and leave me.

But

Every day as I got used to it.

I lied, I never get used to it.