You are my best friend and love of my life when the PTSD isn’t kicking your ass.

Today marks 6 years since you were shot in the head by the enemy. On this day, you were almost taken from this Earth. It is an absolute miracle that you survived and yet you would rather be dead. Most days are great but today…not so much.

Today I was told I was selfish. I was told to take my money and choke on it. Never mind the fact that I spend all day cleaning up after you, doing your laundry, paying the phone bill, electric, and the internet all of which you don’t contribute to. God forbid I ask you to mow the lawn. You just ignore me for 3 weeks until the landlord has to yell at you. Excuse me for not having the two hundred dollars to pay you back immediately. God forbid I open my mouth and tell you how I feel or even slightly disagree with something you say. God forbid I want to go home early from a party which I told you I had to leave early from because I had to get some things done around the house because I spent the WHOLE DAY helping you at work. I cannot win. But like I said I can’t open my mouth to talk to you, nor can I talk to anyone else because you’ve made it so all my friends have shut me out. I have NO ONE.

And yet the mere thought of losing you makes me want to die. How do you keep it together when your partner wants nothing more than to die? How do you tell them how you feel when you’re afraid that anything could push them over the edge?