I wonder if you know what it’s like to be hated and despised. Blamed for things you know you didn’t do.

I wonder if you know what it’s like to watch everyone you’ve ever considered a friend turn their backs on you when things get tough because they believe the rumours… or simply believe you’re not worth the fight.

I wonder if you know what it’s like to watch everything in your life fall apart and be trapped in the rubble. Hearing others yelling at you to help yourself if you truly want help and knowing there’s nothing you can do because it’s too heavy and your legs are crushed beneath you. Hearing them tell you that if you read your bible more or prayed better this wouldn’t have happened to you. Hearing them tell you it happens to everyone but you look around and see everyone walking freely and you know it’s not true.

I wonder if you know what it’s like to be so tired and weak from catching anvil after anvil that’s been dropped on you that you know even the slightest touch of a feather could crush you.

I wonder if you know what it’s like to be stripped of so much control in life that you grasp at any straw hoping to get even a sense of control back.

I wonder if you know what it’s like to be so alone that you have to walk yourself to a car rental place because there’s no one you could call and you just can’t afford to waste $5 on an Uber….Nevertheless knowing and believing that your efforts will not be in vain, that this is one thing you can do, that there’s a purpose that will be fulfilled if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I wonder if you know what it’s like to get there only to find out that the car they promised you on the phone just minutes before isn’t available to you and you’ve made a trip for nothing. To smile and say it’s ok because you know it was a mistake and they didn’t mean to hurt you and they don’t know what you’re going through… but it’s not ok because everything else has already gone wrong and you needed just this one thing to go right.

I wonder if you know what it’s like to rush out of a crowded place because you can feel the tears forming over something so dumb and you know you’re not strong enough to fight it.

I wonder if you know what it’s like to walk home with tears streaming down your face. Sobbing to the point of falling to your knees on the sidewalk as cars drive by because you just needed this one thing. Just this one thing.

I wonder if you know what it’s like to feel like God has turned His back on you entirely.

…I know. I know exactly what it’s like.