My life and the struggle for happiness.
It all began when I was about eleven years old when my family decided to move out of my home country Hungary to Austria because of financial difficulties. I knew my parents had a tough time getting bread to the table (or even getting along) so I went along with it, I knew the different language would be difficult but me as a little kid did not know what was really coming…
I’m generally an introverted, shy kid who was mostly selfless (I like to think that even if it sounds egoistic).
In school I was bullied, not by the students, but the teachers. In Austria, not all people are fond of Hungarians and I don’t know why. They made my life hell for 4 years, I’m also struggling with clinical depression so the mix of the two was… let’s say not quite enjoyable.
A normal day went down like this:
I woke up with my mind filled with sadness and anger, “Why is life the way it is? Do I deserve this?”. With all my strength, I stand up and go to the bathroom, my face is emotionless. I don’t eat anything for breakfast instead I stay in my room thinking about the day ahead of me, which will be pure hell.
I grab my schoolbag and stand outside the door, breathing in the fresh, quite cool morning air. I start to walk to my destination avoiding eye contact with anyone I see.
I walk up to my locker, I came later so nobody will be near me trying to make any kind of contact with me, then walk as fast as I can to my class so nobody will have a chance to make contact with me.
The day starts and as usual teachers call me names, humiliate me and harass me. The day goes by and after school I go home with tears in my eyes. I sit down to my computer and pass the time by playing games.
Then I cry myself to sleep. The cycle starts again.
After 4 years of this I get out. Right into another school, I was happy to get out of there, happier than ever.
But now I have other problems, like plans for the future.
I’m lost, I don’t know what to do… I don’t know what I want to become, I don’t know my true passions, I don’t know my talents and I don’t have any friends to help me.
I want to maybe move to the US or UK or Canada since my English is not that bad (I think at least), but I don’t know how. I don’t want to work 8 hours without stopping to make average wage and have 4 hours of free time each day. I don’t even want to mention relationship because I gave up on it a long time ago.
I have nobody to talk to in real life, that’s why I post this here, I had to get this out of my system.
Thank you for reading all of this if you did, I wish you luck, you’ll need it.
