I had sex with Sigmund Freud. NOBODY WILL BELIEVE ME. I swear it was him! I was sleeping one night when something in my room startled me. I woke quickly and thought it was my dog Odubb™. I saw a phallic figure in the corner of my room. It had almost a motherly smell to it, which for some reason aroused me. I tried to get up and turn on the lights but I was paralysed and only had control of my eyes. The encounter went from unsettling to rather pleasant and familiar in a matter of seconds as the figure suddenly got in my bed right next to me.

The body heat and heavy breath quickly disturbed me as I couldn’t make out if the figure was human. The phallus morphed into none other than… Sigmund Freud!!! I KNEW he would eventually come. (For some context, I absolutely ADORE Freud and agree completely on his theories of psychosexuality in toddlers and such.) The feeling of awe turned into disturbance as Freud gently stuck his shaft in my anus (Excuse my language.) At first, I’m going to be honest here, I was flattered and honoured, but then the repetitive thrusts started to my bum bum hurt (my apologies again.)

This went on for about 2-3 more hours and I became numb after the first hour. He then left my presence and I woke up the next morning at 4 pm. I guess the experience drained my energy. Anyways every time I tell my friends and family this they get seemingly disgusted and usually don’t talk to me after. I don’t know who else to tell and I found this website so yep. Does anyone have any explanations?