When I was little I always wanted to grow up, so I could do whatever I wanted. But now I just turned nineteen and I don’t know what to do with my life.

I’ve never felt so lost before and I don’t know what it is. I’ve just lost my will to leave and I don’t know what to do. I know that I’m not the most open person and probably never will be but sometimes I need someone to talk to, like all people do, but I just feel so alone and helpless.

I wish I could find something, so I don’t feel like this. I just wish everything could be like before, when I had no responsibilities and worries but that’s life, we all grow up and go through all kinds of problems because life isn’t easy and we have to learn to love like that I know that, but I don’t know why I feel like this.
I’ve been criticized because of how I am and I don’t really care about what they think, but what really bothers me is that I don’t know them and just jump to conclusions. I can’t come to senses to why I just want to leave happy. Maybe happiness isn’t for me and I probably will never find it.

I’m also really confused about who I am as a person I don’t know how to find myself. Maybe I need help, but I don’t know where to look for it. I don’t know how to help myself or how to ask for it.

I feel like I’m drowning.

I can’t deal with this feeling of helplessness I feel like I’m leaving two lives. Even though I’m not always the nicest or happiest person I try being when I’m around people, but I feel like that’s my alter ego, and when I’m alone everything changes I feel this emptiness inside me the feeling of loneliness and sadness and all I want to do is cry.