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I could never put my finger on it

Ok so I am going to start by saying that I’m not a native English speaker, so please don’t judge my mistakes.

I have always had this feeling that something is wrong with me and that I’m different than all the other people around me. However, I could never put my finger on it, so I started searching for answers.

I was ready to label myself as a person with a disorder of some sort, anything to explain my uniqueness. I labelled myself as depressed even though I knew I wasn’t, as a narcissist since I have many characteristics, and as a potential sex addict (although now I know that if there are addiction dangers for me they certainly don’t concern sex).

Now after so much time spent in trying to get to know myself, I finally confessed to myself the deeply suppressed truth for myself and that is that I am an attention whore.

For a girl my age I am extremely flirtatious. I don’t think about relationships as much as I think about sex and there is a reason for that – constant attention seeking or simply put – if I am in a relationship I would most likely cheat.

I go on chatting sites searching for attention and probably even this post is a form of attention seeking. I wanted to see a therapist in search of attention and would make up false stories about stress and anxiety in front of my friends and family.

Going to the restaurant makes me very happy cause I know that I will be able to get people’s attention and that makes me feel good. Actually, I run on that, it gives me my energy and happiness. I hate big groups because I’m usually left in the background and if am leading a conversation with someone I would do my best to turn the conversation around in order to talk about myself completely ignoring the other person.

My whole existence is based on my looks as I am extremely vein and consider myself to be better looking than everyone else. It was really hard to come to turns with that as before I would always blame the world for my problems. I am not expecting any good advice. As I said – this whole post is probably about attention anyway.


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