I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know what I want.

I had a great night with a bunch of friends tonight, but when they all left I felt so alone because I know I will probably never have someone waiting for me to come home from work to hug me, no one to hold me in their arms as I cry myself to sleep.

All because I’m fucking aromantic and a non-monogamist.

I live in a small country where you don’t even hear about those things. And it hurts so much to look at all the people around you to see that they all have somebody to lean on, but I probably never will, unless I change my ideas about how a relationship is supposed to be like, but I can’t. At least not for now. So, I’ll try to hang on for now, that’s all I can do really.

Fuck everything and fuck my life, I don’t want to live anymore and it’s so fucking hard to ignore that.