My whole life I’ve been t that the only way I’ll ever amount to anything is by doing things the conventional way. By accomplishing the hardest and toughest task and eventually I might actually be successful…
But the truth of the matter is that the only thing I’ve ever really accomplished is being a disappointment to myself and everyone else.
Never really exceeding my expectations, just doing bare minimum of what everyone thinks I should be doing. I’m currently a sophomore in high school and I can feel the ever door of opportunity closing simultaneously. Any future I have slipping away from my hands, and I’m scared that by the time I try to grasp on to it it’ll be too late.
I struggled with my emotions since the start of high school and trying to figure out what exactly I want to do with my life. Realizing that when I was told that the world was mine to conquer was utter bullshit.
That the same people that told me that want me to go to an ivy league school, sit at an office desk for the rest of my life and conform to what society expects from me. I want more, I want to read, draw, film, travel, do more, be more.
My grades are ass, and to tell you the truth I feel like shit because I as much as I hate school and that my worth is based the grades I got when I was fifteen, it’s the only way I’ll get out of the hood. It’s the only way I can leave and go to college somewhere else. What’s even more depressing is the shit ton of loans I’ll have to pay because there’s no way in hell I’ll get a scholarship even if I do get accepted to a school in California. I know I sound so dramatic, and I know that life can be worse, but I can’t help but have this feeling like theirs something more to life than just this. I was just hoping if there was anyone out there that could give me advice.