My dad hates me.
My sister and ex are practically best buds.
I’m a total stranger to my sisters.
My mum is just a title for the woman who looks after me.
My friends are just pawns in a chess game.
I love no one, I care for no one, I just want to be alone in the shadows.
Everyone hates me …every good thing that comes my way I destroy… those who loved me now loathe me.
I’ve never had the chance to say this.
But all my life I’ve always felt invisible, unworthy, and undeserving and in retaliation I took it out on those around me in hopes of feeling better. I’ve tried really to be a better person, but I cannot seem to stop the cycle as the list of casualties increase. No one can imagine how I feel inside… the disorder… the loneliness.
I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone. How can I? I’ve lost everyone.
My mum, the woman I disrespected, my dad, the man I hardly have time to acknowledge and my sisters, the ones who I am meant to be there for but lack the connection. I’m hopeless… to my friends I am their worst nightmare. They all see me as a stone but inside they cannot see me screaming out… wanting them to see me… for what I really am!
I know I can love… I just need to learn how.
But no one seems to realize that. I need you… I just need someone to reach out to try to understand me, try to help me… to guide me.