It’s amazing what love can do to a person.
When I first met my roommate, she was one of the most driven and ambitious people I knew, regularly putting in 12-14 hour days, 7 days per week. People told her she was crazy. “It’s worth it” she’d say without hesitation. “I’m doing what I love and living my dream.”
Fast forward 1 year later. She meets someone. She says he’s “the one”. Slowly but surely, the job and dream that was once so important to her moves to the back burner. Now, she tries to get through her work as quickly as possible, not putting in the time and effort she once did. Her job importance and work ethic aren’t what it once was. Indifference has replaced the care and attention she used to put towards her career, and yet, she’s happy.
While I’m happy for her, I’m scared for myself. Will meeting “the one” result in the death of my dream and the years of hard work I’ve put towards it? Will true happiness in my personal life lead to the death of my ambition?
I’ve always considered myself to be a generally happy person. Of course, like all people, I’ve had several ups and downs, but overall, life has been good to me and I can’t complain.
I would also consider myself to be more ambitious and driven than most people I know. I have chosen to pursue a career that I’m passionate about and have even moved across the world to pursue my dream and create better opportunities for myself. In doing this, I chose to leave my friends and family behind, the things that most people would consider their top priority.
But this is how it works, right? You have to make sacrifices. You simply cannot have it all. When you have a perfect personal life, your career suffers, and vice versa. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself.
At twenty-eight years old, I have yet to be in a serious relationship, or any relationship for that matter. As much as I’d like to think finding love won’t change my drive or the way I feel about pursuing my dream, I have no way of knowing that. It scares the shit out of me.
I wish I could end this with a moment of clarity, some conclusive thoughts on the subject. But I have no epiphany, no “a-ha” moment. As someone who takes a lot of pride in certainty and self-assuredness, this big unknown is haunting me. I’ll keep searching for the answer I’m never sure I’ll find.