So here goes another story of “unrequited love” but this time, I’m making the most out of the bitterness and eradicating my expectations. I’m currently taking up my last year of High School. My story couldn’t be as bitter as it could be seeing as how most of my life has gone that way (which shouldn’t be a bad thing because the strongest people deal with problems in a manner of positivity out of horridness) Its come to a point of acceptance and in-between the lines of sorrow and happiness. of

I have a friend who is a classmate of mine and she couldn’t be prettier than a girl out of your fantasy dreams. She is adored by many and happens to be extremely fun, and I’d consider her to be my best friend at this point albeit our 1 and a half year of getting to know each other. I’ve fallen in love with her since the beginning of our last year in High School because… just because (sparing you the details of what makes her a wonderful woman). We’ve had a lot of grand and hilarious moments together wherein her smiles and giggles are so unbearable that it pains me to see her be with someone who cheats, ignores, and belittles her.

Yup, she’s taken by someone guys 🙁 This someone is already in college and lives far from where we school so it’s a Long-Distance Relationship. She actually wishes to break up with this guy or is still making up her mind. This guy actually cheats on her without her knowledge of such thing and he is very manipulative to the point wherein she isn’t even allowed the company of friends at times when hanging out. This dude even ignores her family problems and tells her to face it and accept the loss without even coming to terms on how devastating her family issues are. How do I know all of this? She shares it with me in private and in person because apparently, they’re forced to have shared accounts on any social media platform. She tells me that her mother and father look at her and her brothers with disdain. She is the eldest one being eighteen years old and two of her younger brothers about more than a couple years apart. They are already subjected to everyday fights and many rejections such as their very existence.

She shares a lot with me and being a normal person, I comforted her in every way I can such as telling her that her idea of sacrifice or suicide is never the case to show their parents that they are important. I told her that there will be other happy moments in life wherein the right people will step in and take you out of your dark times. I told her that eighteen years of living in this world and failing now is losing the ones who still love you, your friends and siblings. You deserve so much better and I can’t understand why someone would have to go through all this pain. Just hold onto something worth the time and happiness in your life to make the better out of you. Remember that your brothers love you and your responsibility as their sister has grown to help you prepare for more in the world. I believe that you are stronger than ending it all.

I’m one of the only people to know all about her problems and hearing that she actually “cleared her mind” and felt “happy again” made me obligated to help a soul who struggles in so many things in her life.

I was very devastated to hear her say that her mom “Wished they were never born” or that “She was an accident”. It hurt me so much that out of the eighteen years, only now has she been comforted by me?

I still love her, but I am not the person to take advantage of pain and sorrow from another and use it to get love, NO. I only wish for what’s best and what I can only do to make her feel happier and relieved of the pain in her life.

Maybe it was because her pain wasn’t remedied that I loved a broken person (as a broken person). Maybe I could do more than the boyfriend who doesn’t even wish the best for her and only reprimands her for nearly anything. What sucks is the boyfriend insists that they don’t break up at all and that she has no choice.

I guess all her Friday hang outs with me and some other people is her answer to leaving the world she doesn’t deserve. She has a heart of gold that will lose if nobody better stands up to fix the things that can be fixed such as her boyfriend.

I am not saying that I am better than him, but I only wish better for this girl. I can only do so much to help her such as answer her session tests, do our group works alone, give her all of the answers to things she’s missed out on, and teach her what she can’t understand in class. I can also only comfort her by advice and an arm over the shoulder to stop the crying. I can only do so much that it’s not fair anymore.

I can’t always be the guy to be there always because college is soon upon us and we’ll probably be going our separate ways with no notion of love or anything to hold onto but moments of broken people helping each other.

I’m not expecting to be loved in return or be the man to catch her when she falls out of place in a relationship. I only feel that a soul whose broken and a soul who lived such a sad life is not worth living without being loved and cared if it means anything of my help.

I only wish that she be happier and better but there’s only so much I can do that my best won’t be enough. She is very open to me and it seems that I’m one of the only two people (and  one who is now far out of our country and is her friend also) who she seems comfortable asking help from.

I also feel unprepared for a relationship because I worry of the academics I must keep up with and the time that I should manage and the money to spend for myself and a lot of other things to prepare for a relationship

I will love her even if it won’t come back the way I expected it to be which is why I am giving up the expectations and doing what I can to save a soul.

It doesn’t matter the pain I bear in seeing her smile every day and that I will never confess any of what I feel for her but only hope that she be better.

If anything, it’s for her.

-N