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I used to go around drinking my father’s left overs and getting drunk I was only a baby

Well this is a really long story so sit back with a comfy pillow and relax.

So it all started on February 8, 2001 at 6:40pm, the day I was born. I obviously had a mum and a dad, but it wasn’t like those sweet cliché movies where the baby is planned and brought into the world with a decent family that are rich, and the parents give their entire world to their child. Nothing at all like that so let me explain….

My mother and father were 18 years old when I was born and well they were druggies, on the piss everyday sorry excuse my language they were drinking every single day. I didn’t get attention as a baby should, I was dumped onto someone else all the time, but mostly I was around all that bad stuff. My mother was the worse she well she used to sell herself out to dirty men for cash for her next hit when I was around. I would be in my cot surrounded by used needles. When I got to the stage where I could crawl I used to go around drinking my father’s left overs and getting drunk I was only a baby. Let’s just say I really wasn’t looked after.

Then one day my mother left me she just left so it was just me and my dad, I was only 1 and a half years old when she left but I’m honestly glad she did. So off me and my dad go we lived in a caravan then he ended up on home detention so obviously he couldn’t take me out to do things. He became friends with this woman named Melissa (Liss) and she felt sorry for me, so she would come over every day and pick me up (she was a nanny for a family) and she used to take me to the home where she nannied with the other kids they were older than me by like 4 or 5 years their names were Johnny and corals I loved them. It was so much fun every day that happened. Then one day my dad and Liss became a couple I was 3 and I was so happy we got a house together called the pink house I’m sure you know why I was so happy. I would always say to Liss “can you please me my mum” she would always say no in respect of my birth mother because she thought she might come back. I asked her every day same response until one day she said yes because she told me I was going to be a big sister.

I was so excited, from then on, I used to lay on the bed with her and talk to her belly. January 18th, 2005 my first sibling was born, we moved into a bigger house thing were so amazing we were a family, my new mum, sister, me and my dad.

It was great then we moved to 92 Wilson road, Flaxmere. The place where a lot of bad things happened. I went to Peterhead school eventually along with my sister oh her names Tylah. I was 8 years old when my parents told me they were expecting again, a boy named Levyh. That’s when things got bad, my dad he started drinking again being a dick. He spent our rent money. Things got so bad financially that Liss mother had to buy the house otherwise we would be kicked out.

So that happened, then things between my dad and Liss weren’t good they were always fighting badly even around us kids, it got really bad that she kicked him out and we had to go out hiding. We had to hide away from our own father for a week because he was threatening to take me away since I was his biological daughter. At that time, I wanted to live with my siblings and Liss. My dad was in a really bad way he was an alcoholic. My dad and Liss broke up, but she was still sleeping with him, Liss started sleeping with this guy Hamish and she were also sleeping with him when she was dating my father and when they weren’t. She had been sleeping with my dad and Hamish She fell pregnant again with another boy named Keahn which is my dad’s kid.

My dad decided he didn’t want to be a father anymore, he didn’t want any responsibilities, so he left as well he went to Hamilton. Few months went by Dad came back from Hamilton after about 8 months oh yeah and he missed my birthday after I called him a week before and he promised to show up and he never did, then he came back acting as if nothing happened. Anyway, she had Keahn nearly 3 months early there were complications, but he had to be taken out straight away. He was the size of Liss hand so tiny weighing 2.1 pounds around the weight of 2 medium sized potatoes. He had to stay in S.C.B.U (special baby care unit) for 3 months. He finally was able to come home, and I raised him from day one Liss didn’t do anything for him it was all me she didn’t even care.

She changed she was no longer a good loving mum. Things happened between my mum (Liss) and dad and she decided to hurt herself and bruise herself and went and told the police that he did it and because of his passed they believed her, and she made up a lot of stuff about him and got a protection order against him. The court ordered that me was not allowed contact with us kids we were so heartbroken. With dad not in the picture I became more and more depressed I was diagnosed with major depression at 12 years old, also without my dad around my mum (Liss) became more reliant on me. I never got to be a kid I was a mother practically I cooked, cleaned, bathed and made the kids lunches for school made sure they woke up and got prepared for school while my mum was in bed sleeping. I had to make sure Keahn was ready for kindy. Managing the kids wasn’t at all easy. So after all that it was really hard for me to focus and keep awake at school, I was always so tired because I never really slept I found it so difficult to sleep by the time I fell asleep it was nearly 4 in the morning and I had to get up at 6:30.

Every night this happened and my teacher at Peterhead noticed and she always asked what’s going on I would never tell her I always said “nothing”. So, every day the same pattern would happen I go to school come home and look after the kids and clean the house. One day at school I just broke out in tears over my dad then I decided to tell my teacher what’s going on she then took me to the guidance counsellor she then found out everything, and she arranged for every week me and my sister would go and see her separately though. It was months since we see our dad, months turned into years. My dad wasn’t well after that he was on bad drugs again and back to drinking a lot that one night he snuck around the back to me and my sisters window and knocked on our window and he was in tears he was really drunk as well. I was so scared that my mum would hear and find out, I begged my dad to leave because I didn’t want him getting caught. He didn’t listen to me he wouldn’t leave, he kept repeating “I love you”. He then went and sit on the fence and watched us through the window. My mum came in and somehow, she knew something was up. We had to tell her, my dad seen her and disappeared over the fence. My mum called the police because she had a protection order against him and he wasn’t allowed near us. The next morning, we seen that our van window had been smashed my mum is sure it was my dad since he was angry, but I don’t know for sure.

After a really long time without seeing my dad our lawyer arranged that we could have visits with our dad, but they had to be supervised by professional people. So that happened for about a month or so. Then for some reason we stopped seeing him again. I went to high school and my mum changed she became really angry she started hurting me. She did the same thing my dad and my birth mother did after she promised me she would never do that to me. She was on meth. Really strong stuff. She became more and more aggressive and she no longer cared about us kids. She would always call me a “slut” and always say that I’m stupid or dumb. That was only the start. I was still doing the same thing every day cooking, cleaning and the kids. She was never grateful she would never say “thanks for the help” or anything instead she hated me, and I don’t know why. Like she really hated me she would pick on me even though I was the one doing everything for her. I was so unhappy. She kept getting worse and worse every day. Because of the drug she was up all-night moving furniture around heaps of times. She would be on a high and then low and when she was low that was the worse. She hit me all the time screamed at me. I’ll tell you just some of the horrible things she did to me.

Punched me, through me into a wall and made me hit my head really bad.

She locked me outside all day and told me to sleep out there all because I told cyffs the truth. She locked me in my room for 3 days without eating or anything. She told the kids they weren’t allowed to speak to me because I might poison their heads with shit. She would hurt me really bad she made me clean dishes outside with a bucket and scrub it I wasn’t even allowed to clean dishes inside like a normal person. I just got worse I wanted to die like really, I wanted to die. She made me feel worthless I felt like I couldn’t escape. She said really hurtful nasty things to me. I self-harmed every day. My body was filled of cuts I was really bad. I had a knife under my mattress that I would use to cut myself every day. I felt so alone. My body had bruises from her and cuts from me. I was in a really dark place. At school I was bullied, being bullied as well as abused at home didn’t mix well. I wanted to kill myself the only thing that stopped me where my siblings.

One day she hurt me and screamed at me and pushed me into my room and slammed my door. I couldn’t breathe I was at the stage where you are crying so much you can’t breathe, and I grabbed my rope I had taken from school and I tied it around my hook I had on the roof and I put it around my neck and I let go I was hanging, my vision was going blurry I said to myself this is it. Then Shaun (my step dad) walked in and he took it off and he said come with me and took me for a drive and he talked to me and he made me promise him that I wouldn’t do anything like that again and he promised me he would look after me. One day I was cutting my leg and my sister walked in and because she was young and didn’t understand she narked on me to my mum and she screamed at me and called me a “attention seeker” even though I wasn’t because I had been doing it for years before she found out and I never told anyone.

Me and my sister walked to the village to buy bread and stuff and we see this guy who I knew from staying at my friend’s house and he was there because he was friends with her mum anyway we seen him and he came up to us when we were in New World and he squeezed my ass I was in shock and I was frozen so I just walked away and I told my sister we have to go and she wouldn’t listen. We finally got to the cashier and he was still following us, and he touched it again. I painked and I told tylah she started crying lucky tylahs friend and her mum were there, so she offered us a ride home because he was outside the shop waiting for me god knows what he would have done if we didn’t get a ride. We got home, and I told my mum and she took me to the police station to report him. They ended up checking the cameras and it matched my story, they didn’t really do anything he didn’t get a punishment all it was is he’s not allowed to go near me. But that didn’t stop him few months later I was at the village and I see him he looked at me, my heart stopped. I quickly went into the op shop and I was looking around then I look up and I see him he’s inside the store staring at me, I was freaking out. He kept following me around the store. I said “you aren’t allowed near me” he’s said I just want to talk to you, I want to say sorry. I told him to leave but he wouldn’t I said it once more and he left my hands were sweating. I haven’t seen him since thank goodness. Back to my mother you know what she said to me , well It was summer time so it’s really hot and I was wearing shorts and she out right said , “you slut” that guy that grabbed your ass “ you were asking for it” I got so angry and I was so hurt that my own mother would say that to me. I gave her attitude back and as expected she slapped my face. Leaving a red mark. I stormed off to my room and took out my knife and left cuts on my thighs, tears streamed down my face. I hated doing this to myself, but I couldn’t help it. This may seem crazy, but it made me feel better it slowly took away the pain, it numbed me.

Another thing that started to happen was she stopped buying us food, she would buy milk and bread sometimes but that’s it. She used to go shopping for food every Thursday, but she just stopped because buying drugs were more important. Whatever there was in the pantry I tried to make something with. I didn’t eat for 2 weeks straight but I made myself full by drinking a lot of water, I made sure the kids had something at least. The kids school gave them lunch every day, so I was really happy about that. I was so skinny so were the kids. You could see my ribs and everything I hated it. It was so disgusting. Every now and then our nana (Liss mum) picked us up and took us to her house and she would make us food. I got to a stage where my stomach had shrunk, and I couldn’t eat much. I would get full on a half a sandwich I basically ate meals the size of a toddler’s meal because my stomach couldn’t handle it. It was to use to not eating.

Years went by and I was still being abused really bad. Still self-harming and I still didn’t have a dad in my life. I had enough of it I talked to my sister and asked her if she was alright about getting cyffs involved she gave me permission. So, I went to Hastings girl’s high guidance counsellor and told her everything and she got a hold of cyffs. Somehow my mum found out they were coming so she tidied up the house and went and brought some food.

They came over and looked around then spoke to my mum and we had to go to our rooms. It was then my turn and I told them everything and little did I know my mum was in the hallway listening to what I was telling them and tylah knew mum was listening so when it was tylahs turn she was too scared to speak up, so she lied and said everything is okay. So cyffs didn’t believe me and they walked away, and I was left with an abusing parent.

After they left as I mentioned earlier she locked me outside, hit me then said you can stay outside you little troublemaking bitch.

She made me stay out there the whole next day to.

Finally, school holidays were over most kids would hate that, but I was happy I could escape her for 6 hours. I was always scared to come home. Since cyffs came over she was forced to feed us she hated that. She kept harassing me calling me names and stuff.

One day I was sitting in my room trying to get away from her and she comes in and tips my entire room over trying to find change, she did it to the whole house that’s how desperate she was, tip the house just to find change.

One night she said to me “I don’t even want you here” so I replied with “fine how about I just leave then I’ll be happy to” she then said, “good luck with that” and she left to the caravan. So, I grabbed my phone the one she had taken off me for nearly a year and I packed my bags and left. My nana (dads mum) lived around the corner and I hear someone calling out to me I turn around and see tylah running after me. I tell her to go home she don’t listen. We get to my nana’s house and I tell her everything and my mum called her knowing we would be there. And my nana said we have to go home we said we can’t. She didn’t want to get in trouble with my mum so before we left we called our other nana (liss mum) and she said we will come over soon and we will bring the police with us, we agreed, and my nana took us home.

My nana and the police arrived, and they told our mum that they are uplifting us kids. She started going mental and was saying no. I was talking to the police lady and I said you have to believe me please say you do, and she said yes, I do. I was so happy.

We left with our nana and we were then placed in cyffs care but we lived with our nana.

My nana went out and took us shopping for new clothes as a fresh start.

We lived with her for a while but things didn’t work out.

So I ended up back with my dad oh yeah he came back when everything hit the roof with my mum, I’m now in a better place with a boyfriend.

These days my siblings live with my dad and I live with my boyfriend’s family they are nice.

I will always remember those dark times but those times have made me the person I am today. I’m not perfect I do have problems but who doesn’t right.

That is my life that’s what I’ve been through but it’s what makes me, me.

Oh and I have an amazing best friend named Shanelle she is the best. She’s helped me so much and I love her.

My life

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