All I ever wanted was a baby of my own.
Me and my husband met when we was about 18. The first day I laid eyes on him I knew he would be my husband, But know we may never become parents. It all started when we tried to have our first child, we just moved in our first apartment. We were happy and in love! We didn’t plan it but shortly after we became pregnant. We was so happy at the thought of us becoming parents and starting a family but we was not married yet!
I knew that I wanted to have that child and was very happy but after 6 weeks I had a miscarriage. Of course I was upset and disappointed, so was my husband (boyfriend at the time). Life went on and 6 months later we got engaged then a year later we married. At this point we both are 21 years of age, on our own and ready to began the rest of our lives together. Two years into our marriage we are happy and wanted to start trying for a family, we got pregnant again and I was trying my hardest to keep this baby because of the miscarriage we had before. Weeks later I go to the doctors because I was having some abdominal cramps but no spotting so they did a early ultrasound and blood test to see what was going on. All I could think about was what I went threw the first time. The doctor said he see two little fluid filled sacs. So I was ecstatic of the thought of having twins to make up for the baby I lost before. A week later I had another miscarriage. No, not again I was really in a funk for a while but I was not giving up on having the family of my dreams. Time went on and we started to try for a baby again. We did not have good insurance at this time so I did not have the privilege of the best doctors and/or best care. So we were successful again with pregnancy and I immediately put myself on bed rest. Everything was fine and I felt amazing but two days after my 4th week mark I started to feel this weird pressure in my lower abdominal. I didn’t think nothing of it because I thought it was a sign of the baby growing. Two weeks went by and the sensation of the pressure grew more intense and I started to have spotting with increasing discomfort. I rush to the emergency room because of the pain, they did a emergency vaginal ultrasound on my uterus and a blood test. They told me that my hormone levels was not going back to normal and my uterus didn’t show any embryos. They told me that I having an ectopic pregnancy and they have to terminate my baby. The doctor administered an injection in my hip and that was suppose to terminate the pregnancy. I was told to follow up with blood tests to make sure my hormone levels are going down. I went back for the tests but the levels were still increasing. They did another vaginal ultrasound and saw this massive bulge in my left fallopian tube, so they had to do an emergency laparoscopic surgery. The baby damaged my tube so bad that they removed the whole fallopian tube, from the ovary to the uterus. The physical recovery was not bad at all but the emotional took a toll on me. I was depressed, sad, hurt, and angry for a while but the strong, loving man in my life took my hand and lifted me out of that dark time in our lives. At this time I feel like a failure, a wife that can’t even give her husband children. I went through a lot of ups and downs, it got to the point where I wanted my husband to leave me so he could have a fulfilling life with someone that can give him kids. I was sabotaging my own marriage because of my own insecurities, he just wanted to love me and I was busy pushing him away. We eventually got thorough that bad time in our lives but I knew it would forever be a bruise on my heart.
Two years went by and we are back to our normal selfs and life is good. I have a bunch of nieces and nephews that me and my husband love to pieces, they are always over and we are very involved in there lives. Overtime we have the kids over our house and I see them grow and see my siblings with there children, it just make me want a child for my husband and I even more. My husband was blessed with a better job and we were able to get better health insurance. I made an appointment at a highly rated and recommended OB-GYN. I went in for a consultation and told her about my history and she recommended to do a procedure, where they shoot dye into my fallopian tubes.(“the one that I have left”) That will show if there is any scarring or blockage from the previous issues, before we start trying again. At this time, I was trying to avoid any baby making activity before I took this test. I didn’t want to risk getting pregnant before this dye test, because I heard that the dye can actually unblock the tube if there’s any blockage. Guess what? I’m pregnant again and yes before the dye test. It was bitter-sweet because I was happy but worried.
It was like déjà vu, the worst time in my life happening all over again. The same scenario as the first ectopic pregnancy but this time It was more painful and invasive. I wanted a child so bad that I ignored the signs telling me maybe I should go to the doctor. The baby was trapped in my right fallopian tube, yes again just growing and growing, but this time my tube ruptured and my husband had to rush me to the hospital. When I got there they did another vaginal ultrasound and I was bleeding internally so they had to do a emergency c-section to try and stop the bleeding and again they had to take the only fallopian tube I had left. My hemoglobin level was so low that they admitted me to the hospital. I stayed in the hospital for about 2 to 3 days. You would never guess what floor I will staying on, yes you guested it, the maternity floor. All the new moms was happy and tending to their new bundles of joy and I was recovering from the surgery of birth but with no baby. I felt beaten up and defeated, I just went numb to everything around me. But, time heals all wounds and we made our way through it. I went to my follow up visits and I discussed my options with the doctor and she informed me that they didn’t take the whole tube, just the portion where the baby ruptured through. She told me they can do a procedure where they go back in and reattach it, once I’m healed but that risk another ectopic pregnancy. My other options was adoption or in vitro. I started to research in vitro a little more and I think this would be the best option for me and my husband. After all that has happened I’m still hopeful and want to have my dream family but financially I need help! If this dream come true, we would be so grateful and blessed to finally have a bundle of joy of our own!
https://www.gofundme.com/nt8rqevg
