i am 14 years old. I’m not a virgin. Things aren’t going well for me. They haven’t been going well since I was 4. When I was 4 in my first year of primary school, I used to be friends with another 4 year old boy. This 4 year old boy was sexually curious. We were outside in the playground sitting on a bench around a tree. He put his hand up my skirt and down my knickers. He then put my hand on his **** and made me look at it. I went home crying. I told my mum, my mam told my teachers, but they said there was nothing they could do because he was so young. When I was 8 I started to grow boobs, bit young and, everyone teased me because of them until I was 11. When I was 11 I went to secondary school. One night when I was 11 I went out with some new friends from secondary and some old friends from primary to the park near my house. There was this one boy there from my primary who wouldn’t stop feeling me up no matter how much I told him. I decided to go home. I left one of my friends(f) and another(m) with him. The two boys lived across the road my female friend went to one of there houses and the other one pulled her pants down and tried to rape her while the boy who’s house it was went to get food. She was nearly raped because of me. When I was 12 I made a new friend(f), let’s call her E. E lost her virginity at age 12. She really loved boys attention. She introduced me to three 15-16 year old boys, let’s call them K, L & S. They set us up so I was with K on my own and E was with L & S. They wanted us to have sex with them, we both said no. We were in 2 different places but they were so close. K grabbed my boobs and my *** and was trying to go down my pants. He never really did anything, I ran away 2 find E. L ended up fingering E, she was crying. After all this she decided to go out with K, he got her into smoking and got her to suck him off. She went around saying I was a slag because K said he fingered me, when he didn’t, she caused so much **** that I threatened to smash her head off a wall and watch her bleed until she was nearly dead. I shouldn’t have said that but I still don’t like her, she moved 4 hours away. Just after she left I got into a relationship with a boy, let’s call him ?. Mine and ?s relationship was good at the start. It stayed good until 6 months in when he finished me because I asked him if he had cheated on me because someone told me he had. A week later we were back together. I had sex with ?. He was my first and only. I was 13 when I first had sex with ?. I kept doing it because it was the only way he would stay with me. ? Would get angry over anything. 1 year 3 months into our relationship, I wasn’t allowed to talk to boys or girls ? thought were ugly. I had no life. I finished him a month ago. He kept trying to get back with me. I said no. When ? Asked why I told him I liked ?. ? Liked me back, I kissed ? The night I told ? About him. ? Went to school the next day and punched ? 3 times in the head. I started to cry. ? Got punched because of me and the first thing he says when he says when he finally gets to see me 10 minutes later is, are you okay? Give me a hug. I love you. That made me as happy as I could be at that moment in time. A few days after this happened ? Was allowed back into school. He asked if I was ever get back with him. I said no. He tried to hit me. I moved. He punched a hole in the wall . I’m scared shitless all the time and so is ? But he makes me happy. Feels good to put all this out there ??