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The worst feeling is that of being socially connected, but practically alone

I understand why some people must leave. Why they can no longer feel the urge to stay because they love me or want to be with me. I have to understand that maybe, just maybe, I’m not that fun to be with, not lovable, not enough and I just have to understand and hope that maybe they weren’t the right ones yet. I’m stuck believing that one day someone would be brave enough to stay, through thick and thin, through the up’s and down’s of life. One that could say that I was worth it, that I was enough. For years, I waited and up until now, I’m still waiting. What if I was born to be all alone? What if I was stuck all by myself as I watch people move on with their lives, lucky to find the one they can grow old with? I kept telling myself to stop with the “what if’s” and just trust God’s plans but the fear of being alone still gets me. It scares me because I know what “alone” really means. I’ve been there and I don’t wanna feel that way again. I don’t wanna be alone anymore. I don’t wanna feel like I’m alone even when I’m surrounded by millions and billions of people. This is my greatest fear. To live and die ALONE.

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