It has taken me a while to know if I want to post about me life. I am still not sure cos I think everyone will judge. I was exposed to sex at a young age. My sister and her friend used to play games with me like make me show them my penis. This was when I was around ten or eleven when that happened. Then me and my best friend at the time started having gay sex with each other and we both enjoyed it, so nothing was ever forced. I also used to watch my sister in the bath and she would watch me sometimes too. I started watching porn when I was around thirteen and I would play with myself all the time. I would even do it in school nearly every day when I went to the toilet. All of this seems to have messed me up as I have ruined my life even more. I went onto a website to look at underage porn and the police came at searched my house. My life was not that bad before this happened. I have a fiancé who loves me and has stuck by me and throw everything at it. But now my life is fucked up, I will probably never get a job and I will never be able to have a family. I have never had any friends so that will never change but I know if anyone finds out about it, I will get my head kicked in as everyone always thinks he’s a dirty pedophile who needs to be killed, but I never really wanted to look at those sites. It may sound strange to everyone but it’s a bit like an addiction. I wanted to stop but I couldn’t. If there was more help for people like me, I might not of done it, but there is no one I can talk to about it so that’s why I am letting it all out on this site. I love my mom but she is really lazy and so is my fiancé. I do all of the tidying up. When I ask them, they say I will do it soon and they never do the house. It is dirty a lot because I sometimes don’t get to clean it as I am too busy. We never have that much money we never have a lot of the time we don’t have any food in the house or electric on. I just wish I had a normal life where I never want to look at horrible websites and that we had money and I had friends but I think that can never happen.
I know I went off topic a bit from my first sentence but I just did not want to stop typing it feels good to let everything out and get it off my chest. Sorry if I made spelling mistakes or things like that but its 5 am and I am tired.
