I wish that I did better, 5 years ago. Having the perfect friend, but being too full of jealousy and entitlement? I’ve changed now, attending one of the top universities in the world. I wonder if she knows.
I had troubles in my head. Even the best people, those sweethearts who say they are always there to help, even they get scared when you suddenly spring craziness on them.
5 years later I listen to an album I know she loves, content that we once were happy listening to it together. Then I became a nightmare. So many life changes since, new faces and places and stories. I’m as happy as I could ever wish to be. I think. Has it left its marks? Well, considering I haven’t had a relationship since, perhaps I’m still lacking in the trust department. Maybe I’m waiting for somebody as good as she was as a friend. Maybe I’ll see her soon. Probably not. Maybe she remembers who I am. Probably not.
Building bridges and getting over things seems great on paper, in reality I’ll remember every so often. I wish I could explain everything. Just for myself, my own closure. I mean it when I say sorry. I understand fully how wrong what I did was, Leah. I promise. I lost my favourite friend, believe me or not. You did contribute to who I am today. Only good bits. Thank you, for that. At one time I deserved it. I do again, I wish you could know that.