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I was about to catfish someone for the first time in my life

Well let’s see, hi everyone I was never good at starting a story or a sentence so we’ll just go with that, I’m not going to take too long I just want to share this story of mine so that I can finally move on from the terrible thing I did to someone, a boy I lied to for one year, I’m a 17 Year old boy and I excel at music and I speak 3 Languages now that that’s out of the way let’s get on with the actual story, well it all started after my father’s death, he died of blood cancer a year ago after he died I was emotionally devastated I wanted to talk to someone to get those negative emotions out of me, I don’t have any friends nor any family members that remotely care about me, so I went on a game forum and I made a fake account, you can probably see where I’m going with this…. yes I was about to catfish someone for the first time in my life, there was this guy that tried to make me feel better by talking to me I told him about my father I was always quite feminine so I was afraid he would notice my girly qualities from my figure of speech and my behaviour so I faked being a girl I built this fake persona this fake identity of a girl that I always wanted to be and I did it…… I wish I didn’t, so everything aside I pretty much made up stories about my personal “life” I did it for so long that I started believing my own lies and fantasies after one year I….as much as I’m ashamed to say this… I fell in love with him I had these feelings I’ve never experienced before, after one year I realised I’ve gone way too deep into the abyss , he always asked to talk to me on social media and asked for my picture I always made up some excuse and he always fell for it, the more I kept going with these lies I realised a hard fall for me is inevitable my “happiness” my “love” to that boy was never real to begin with and love can never lead to happiness if It’s one sided, I do like women and I’m really uncomfortable having attractions towards men, so I stopped it… I finally ended it, I ended it with another excuse…. with another lie it ended but I can’t stop thinking about what I did to a person that showed me such compassion and as much as I hate to admit it my first love, I did something like this to such a person…. I know all you people who are reading this hate my guts and are probably going “creepy fag” and I don’t blame you you have all the reason to hate me for what I did I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself, to this day I’m still a sad lonely boy with no friends, I just hope someone reads this I just want someone to know that I did something horrible to my only friend and I feel sorry for what I did and I want people to know my side of story, for them to know I wasn’t in my right mind at that time, thank you to whoever took the time to hear me out my story did not have a happy ending and the biggest reason that I wrote this story and shared it is that I don’t want you to make the same mistake to stop your story from having a sad ending, please everyone don’t toy with other people’s emotions.

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