I don’t fully know why I am writing this. But maybe I will feel better afterwards? Maybe. First I want you to know that I am a person with very low self-esteem I lack confidence. I don’t think I’m the ugliest piece of shit on earth but I struggle to see myself as pretty. Now that you know that, let’s begin.

First there was P. He was a piece of fresh air. The first guy you ever make me feel beautiful. We were kids well at least I was (he’s about 4 years older) but that didn’t stop us. I knew at the time what we were doing wasn’t right but I didn’t care. I was ready to do whatever it took to please him. Things ended badly. I moved out of the country with my family. And we lost contact.

8 years later we meet. It was weird. I felt the exact same way I felt 8 years ago. We talked about what happened before. He brought it up of course because I didn’t want to make things weird. Basically, I was too afraid to. When I first saw, him he was with a girl. He never mentioned her as his girlfriend so I thought they were just friends. I get his number before I leave the country again. We talk every day. He tells me he still loves me. I tell him I love him too. But two days ago, he tells me he has a girlfriend I can’t believe it!! I feel dumb and used because I told him I loved him…