I don’t know if this is considered to be in the feelings category but yeah.
So lately, wait never mind, actually this has been happening since I was young.

I do not feel happy nor sad. I know it’s that famous paradoxes feeling thing.
But sincerely I just don’t.
I don’t think I feel empty either.

It’s just that, I try to be happy and look happy but I just can’t sincerely feel it.
Same thing as being sad.
I try to feel sad but it just does not work.

I have a proper nice living environment and surrounded with people that cares for me.
But I just don’t feel anything.
I try to always be bubbly and cheerful because If I don’t my mother would get mad at me for just being the normal me who does not wear any emotions on their face. It would just be a hassle to have this argument so I just follow what she wants

I’m feeling tired. Nothing excites me nor makes me feel intense sadness. I want to feel euphoria and absolute despair.

I feel like if I were to die now writing this or after any time soon. I would not mind.