I would like to be brave, to be vulnerable to be able to tell you how I really feel. However, that is easier said than done. Admitting how much I really feel for you would mean that the chances of me getting hurt, getting my heart broken increases by tenfold. That’s probably why I get so competitive with you, be it through messages or calling each other. As crazy as that sounds it gives me control that knowing that you talking to me more often than I am looks like I am just cool with the way things are with us.
In reality I want to talk to you in every free time that I have no matter how small the conversations are, hearing your voice makes me happy. It’s crazy how things are getting complicated when were just dating. I could really see us being together, you know. Travelling, road trips, cooking in your kitchen, waking up every day and seeing your face. From the biggest to the smallest things, I can see you, I can see us. But that’s the thing were both very complicated people with complicated life, I can see do all of those things but the situation around us is preventing us to do it. I wish I could just jump the gun and fuck everything and everyone around us, but that is not me and it will never be me. I’m scared that I know the answer, the answer that both of us knew.
“It’s hard being a cold-hearted bitch and a sensitive bitch” I feel like this matches me to a T. People think that I am a cold bitch that how’s little emotions of feeling for other people, when in fact I cry and feel a lot. People have only seen peaks of the real me I feel like I’m still too scared to be open and just show the real me. It’s easy to give advice to people but hard to take your own advice.
I miss you, I miss our conversations, I miss us. I wish you could read this so that you can understand how I am feeling so that you see my feelings for you but at the same do I want to?