Fear of past, haunts the future. Keeps your mind going in circles around the same subject. Seems that it’s just you that is the problem, but you don’t know why because you don’t see what they see neither can they you, and when you have that circle going in your head it’s hard to let it out. So, you’re afraid what you say will just sound like trust, happiness, love does not exist… and because you said it, things crumble into pieces hidden behind the smile you wear for protection. Yet that circle keeps going building up as events go on because it cannot be broken now.
She says she just wants friends, friends that make her happy. So, she should be able to hang out with friends, yes, I don’t care about that, but when you have a different guy that doesn’t want to be “just friends” and sees an opportunity… why waist it. And yes, she’s faithful too me but does faithful mean hiding things from me, lying and hiding is the same thing just because you didn’t say it doesn’t mean you’re not hiding it. Like talking to a guy, I never knew about for days Face Timing on a nightly basis, falling asleep with the guy, yes, they’re not sleeping together but that’s what she said when we did the same thing. Am I supposed to just ignore that? Or say something because I know I want to say something but when I do I will never believe the story she tells, because she lied about it in the first place. And he says, “she called him Pappy” told him to “lift his shirt up to see his abs” and “FaceTime him in the shower.” Like how I am supposed to take in all this. Yes, she blocked him on everything because she knew I would get mad, but the fact is, is that she did all this in the first place all outgoing calls, so it was mainly her that wanted it. It could really just be that she wanted a friend, but that’s not what friends do and it not something to do to your bf… same thing happened farther back with this guy named EC he worked with her for a while and they became friends. One day she told me she was going with her work friends to downtown kc mo. Until later finding out she just went with this guy alone… like what, but a month. am month later she is apologizing, and I was on with it because I knew she was truly sorry about it this was the first time she had ever done anything like this, so I forgave her. But still to this day I hate the guy, she asked why I hate him and what did he do to me, stuff like that and calling me childish. I only hat him because you made me hat him…
Again, with friends… ZR of course I don’t like the guy because he has showed he has liked her before because he asked her to the movies a while back and lied to his friends because he was embarrassed he did. Now I figure out present day that she’s been calling him every once and a while. And that the next day they are going to go hang out. Sooo like all right fine he’s your friend go ahead. I know they’re going to go lazer tag and get some food, I was thinking with a group but nah it was just them and she didn’t want me to join and mind you I’ve been fee to hang out her the whole past month and she always had an excuse not to besides after the past situation. But anyway, I was already doing everything in my power to not get mad and understand the situation. So, me being the overprotective person I am I look on sc and find out she’s at the movies… you could imagine the pain in my heart at that moment. This was also the day before she was going on a trip for a couple of weeks, so I wasn’t going to see her on the last day before she left. I tried to stay at her house that day and wait till he got there but she didn’t want me to be there as he got there… how am I supposed to take that lightly???
If I can’t make her happy then why do I keep trying??
Because I truly love her and I’m afraid I’ll lose the one person I have grown so attached to, and if she really can’t be happy with me does she really love me?