I lost my virginity when I was around ten years old to my tutor and he was around twenty four years old. At that time I didn’t know that there was something as such virginity or first kiss.
I regret it all now. I started watching porn at a very young age and started masturbating too. I even was once caught watching porn in seventh standard by my dad.
I regret it all a lot. I just can’t understand that how can I let something as such happen to me. I feel disgusted by myself. Even if not for me, he was a mature person how could he do it. It was not rape because I agreed to it but still…
It was rape, cause you were too young to even understand what that is or what it meant. Even if you agreed to it, you weren’t really in a position to agree or disagree cause that is something no one should have asked you or do to you in the first place.
Kids have to be 21 to legally drink but you at the age of 10 could be able to decide if you’d wanna have sex or not?
I am sorry that this happened to you and I hope you know it’s not your fault!!! Doesn’t matter how you felt at the moment. You were too young to understand and your feelings now, as a grown up confirms that!
It was not consensual dear. You were not old enough to give your consent. He molested you, doesn’t matter what you told him. He was old enough to know better. You should ask your parents if they can take you to a counselor, it would really help. If you don’t feel safe doing so, you should talk to a teacher or other adult with whom you feel safe. I am a teacher for elementary and middle school students (grades 4, 5, 6, and 7, roughly 9 years old to 12). I love my students and look at them as my children. I would give my life for them. We have procedures in place if a student comes to us with any similar kind of situation. A counselor will help you see this was not your fault and help you to move forward.
even if you agreed it’s still rape. you were below of the age of consent. it’s statutory rape
He is the one in the wrong here, you did nothing wrong.
Many years ago, between the ages of 6 and 12 I was very sexual and had lots of experiences with people older and younger than myself, I loved the experiences with older people because this was before the internet and I had no access to any type of porn, and I then did those things with my younger cousins which they loved also.
But once I was a teenager and started hearing that most people think sexual acts with underage people is disgusting, I then learnt that I should be disgusted with myself for letting older people do things to me (the same as you are feeling) but also that I was a terrible person for doing things with my younger cousins.
But because my sexual urges got even more frequent as a teenager I would fantasize about doing those things when I was masturbating, but then feel even worse about myself when I was finished.
And because I did things with boys and girls, society told me I should feel ashamed about that too.
I became so ashamed that I hated myself for many many years, and became very depressed.
It took decades before I realized that my desires and behavior as a child was very normal, not all children are naturally sexual, but many are and it is completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of for any reason.
One day you might even realise your memories actually excite you and turn you on, that is also ok and normal…. but if you never experience those feelings, that is also ok and perfectly normal.
Remember we are all different and just trying to live our best lives and be happy, sometimes what society says is normal doesn’t apply to everyone, as long as we aren’t harming anyone, we need to all stop being ashamed of what makes us unique.
Good luck to you, I hope you can start feeling better about yourself soon.
He is the one in the wrong here, you did nothing wrong.
Many years ago, between the ages of 6 and 12 I was very sexual and had lots of experiences with people older and younger than myself, I loved the experiences with older people because this was before the internet and I had no access to any type of porn, and I then did those things with my younger cousins which they loved also.
But once I was a teenager and started hearing that most people think sexual acts with underage people is disgusting, I then learnt that I should be disgusted with myself for letting older people do things to me (the same as you are feeling) but also that I was a terrible person for doing things with my younger cousins.
Cont…
But because my sexual urges got even more frequent as a teenager I would fantasize about doing those things when I was masturbating, but then feel even worse about myself when I was finished.
And because I did things with boys and girls, society told me I should feel ashamed about that too.
I became so ashamed that I hated myself for many many years, and became very depressed.
It took decades before I realized that my desires and behavior as a child was very normal, not all children are naturally sexual, but many are and it is completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of for any reason.
One day you might even realise your memories actually excite you and turn you on, that is also ok and normal…. but if you never experience those feelings, that is also ok and perfectly normal.
Remember we are all different and just trying to live our best lives and be happy, sometimes what society says is normal doesn’t apply to everyone, as long as we aren’t harming anyone, we need to all stop being ashamed of what makes us unique.
Good luck to you, I hope you can start feeling better about yourself soon.