My boyfriend is so confusing. He tells me for weeks that I’m always on his mind. That he’s always thinking about me. I leave his house and he’s already saying he misses me via text, the second I walk out the door. I of course reciprocate.
Today he told me I’m too obsessed with him, and it’s unhealthy. He asked if I could go 20 seconds without thinking about him. “No, ten,” he added. I do go without thinking about him… “I text you when I’m thinking about you, not when I’m not, so of course you wouldn’t know when I’m not thinking about you.”
He proceeds to tell me that I shouldn’t be bothered if he’s not available. For instance, if he’s hanging out with his friends.
Um, HIS friends? We share the same friend group! What the hell? Is it so much to ask for to be invited to hang out with our friends as well?
But all of this I can reason through. Perhaps I am being ‘clingy’, and unhealthily attached.
One thing I can’t reason through is him saying, “I sure know how to pick them.” ;-; Hurtshurtshurtshurtshurts. I smoothed the situation over before I left… eased the tension with a hug and a kiss… but it was all a show. A show he was unable to catch onto.
And now I’m holding back tears and feeling stupid and wondering what’s wrong with me. I need to hang out with ‘my’ friends, I guess. The few friends we don’t share. I need to be strong and independent. I can do this. I don’t NEED anyone…
“I sure know how to pick them.” 🙁 That keeps going through my head, though… I feel so miserable… I just want him to hug me and tell me he loves me. But I shouldn’t need his validation or presence or whatever. I shouldn’t need him!
And he tells me all of this after telling me that he woke up from a dream where we had gone on a date, and gone home to a house and fallen asleep together… What IS the balance? How do I find it?
So sorry you are having trouble. First, as a couple, who are you hanging out with? Are they people who have the type of relationship that you want to have? If not, ditch them and make friends with people who do. Try a church group. Seriously.
Second, if you are sleeping with him, stop until he marries you (if that is what you want). Resist your own desires and your own need to feel “close” and put your foot down. A guy doesn’t respect a woman who has sex without commitment. They may like them, but they don’t respect them and will treat them without respect.
If you put your foot down, will send the message that you are serious and that he needs to get serious. Then, you will really find out where he’s at.
Good luck. Signed: A guy who knows.